Gambling Addiction Community - How do you actually feel today?

@Rekaroo82 I am trying to stop I am struggling. I can't afford to keep looking money. There is really no gambling support groups in my area do it's hard. I live lass than 10 mins from a casi,o and I drive by 2 in my way home from work every day. I just dnot know what to do.

Hello to all members of community,

I am new here and i would like to share my story. I am a 28 year old man, and have been gambling extensively over past 6 years, it started during my college days, because i lived and still live away from parents and their control. Last year has been really devastating. Now i sit here, work 2 or 3 jobs at time, trying to cover it up. I made an agreement with my banker to capture all funds i deposit and block me from withdrawing at all and gave him permission to make payments for me, the utilities and repayments.

According to surveys and quizes i always got label "problem gambler" because i was playing a lot of time, betting more and more heavily as my addiction escalated and last couple of months it reached a point where i became a pathological gambler.

I tried chasing hugely some half year ago, before that i had couple of big wins, and wanted to make my bankroll grow, but once it started going down, it was chasing harder and harder, then i lost all i have won and even more and more. I started to gamble away my wages just days after i got them, not to mention even they were supposed to pay off existing loans and sometimes even my utilities. I became aware of the pathological stage when i started to borrow the money of my friends to gamble. Fortunately, i still got all of my real estate, and didnt need to sell any to cover my loans yet. My friends know about my addiction and are trying to help me, and i still have them by my side, but any time i go gambling (mostly sports betting and roulette), irrespectible if i have losing or winning sessions i have so much shame and guilt, and i really dont know why i am doing it. I succeeded in not gambling for two weeks, just to return with small stakes, and have again lost not everything i had with myself, but a considerable amount. Now i hope it wont happen again, so i can start abstinating for longer time now, and hopefully forever. It is very hard at times, because dreams come back and temptations rise. That is what i am mostly afraid off.

I know a gambler loses everytime he/she goes gambling, it is not just for money, i compromised some of my relationships, the accumulated debt is my burden now, i have wonderful family, but i never admitted to them i am gambler. They did bail me out sometimes, although i never admited how much i really needed to cover for the consequences of my addiction. Feel guilty about it but just dont have guts to tell them. I am searching the way out on my own now.