General addiction.

Be it porn, drugs, games. I constantly seek anything to distract my head. I've done shrooms, weed, alcohol. Lose myself in video games, porn. Especially the shower. I can sit in the shower for hours if given the opportunity. Now my head is constantly throbs. The pain spreads all over my head. I almost always shake and my body twitches and convulses. From masterbation binges, to chain smoking an entire pack of cigarettes. To caffeine. Entire litters of Vodka. I've got a real bad habit of binge eating, then throwing up. Then not eating at all. I can barely sleep, my dreams are getting harder to tell from reality. When I'm on drugs I sleep just fine. Or well, more than 2-3 hours a night. I've definitely disassociated with almost every other human being. I obess over everything, and my brain is rarely quiet. Even with the use of drugs, porn, video games. I did this to myself. It's a bad toxic trait of mine. Most of the time I don't feel like me at all. But another cigarette or a puff would distract me. But it never lasts. I've been becoming more and more harmful to people that just want to love and support me. I'm not the best off money wise, so I can't afford active therapy or to eat better. Apart of me wants to be taken care of , romantically, sexually. But the other part of me. The part screaming for soberity, reminds me that take take take in a relationship isn't healthy.