I know I have a problem..

Alcohol and drug use kind of runs in my family and while I know these arent hereditary traits, I started at a very young age. I can remember being told to sip the beers down some because I was filling them too full at a keg party my parents hosted when I was probably around 5 years old. It's weird how you remember only specific things from your childhood. I dont remember when I learned to tie my shoes, or to ride a bike, or the multiple times we moved because of my dad being in the military. But i remember the first drinks I had, the constant disappointment I was to my father growing up, my first cigarette etc. I dont believe I have an addictive personality. I could stop at anytime but the thing is i dont want to. I should, because it affects my family but I dont want to. I drink and occasionally take some other drugs because it makes me feel. Without it, it's hard to feel anything. It's harder to talk to people. It's harder to live with myself. I do it to feel something. I know that's a problem but I dont know how to fix it...