The only thing keeping me here
What if the only thing keeping me Alive is intravenous drug use. I can quit anytime I want I don't feel dependent on drugs however if I stop and just let my thoughts have full reign I'm not sure I'd make it to the end of next week.
Why do you feel that if you could think freely, you won’t survive a week
I totally get you. I felt the same way for decade. Finding new/different things to do that feel as good seemed impossible. I finally forced myself to lower my expectations: of course doing life stuff while clean sucks, that's why everyone has crutches, whether it is drugs or booze or sex or religion or gambling.... anything to feel elevated. But that's cheating-- it takes hard work to maintain healthy joy. But the cool thing is that it actually is worth the effort. The joy from experiences while clean can dwarf the artificial joy of addictive behaviors. You have to make a conscious decision: say it out loud: "I choose to enjoy life without drugs more than life on drugs." It ain't easy, but it's worth it. Just my 2 cents. Love, Peace, and Joy to you.
