my story

I grew up in a small town in Saskatchewan, Canada. I have a learning disability so I found it hard to make new friends. Plus i liked stuff that was totally not popular.

I was maybe 13 or 14 when I discovered the wonders of the internet. I began emailing random people. I'd collect email addresses from chat rooms.

Then I started emailing musicians, a lot.

I was warned that I was going to cross the wrong person one day, but I didn't believe it.

My parents took the internet out of the house because I wasn't even getting school work done, I was on so much.

My internet access at school even got blocked several times because I was on it so much.

When I became an adult and moved out of my parents house, I got internet. My life got so out of control, but I didn't admit it.

About four years ago, I began attending concerts/shows on the local music scene in a nearby city. I began messaging those people too. I did cross the wrong person who didn't like me messaging him, or the amount I was messaging others on facebook. Eventually, he blocked me on facebook. The next time we crossed paths, he sat me down and gave me a heart to heart. He was so concerned about what I was doing. I had made a fake email account and impersonated my support worker. He caught me and cut me off. A few months later, he found out I was still constantly messaging people so he had me banned from an establishment I found out later he worked at (I tried recently to get unbanned, but the current manager sees me as a threat so I gave up).

I realized when I got banned that I hit rock bottom. I realized that my life wasn't that great. I spent grades 7-10 in detention and barely passed my classes enough to graduate because I spent so much time online. I spent time in detention because I never got my homework done. I lost several potentional friendships because of my addiction.

In the three years that followed, I did get help. I saw several councelors. I'm now in a mental health support group in my town. I took up the guitar and writing. The individual who I had the falling out with will say hi to me now when we cross paths. He told me that I can attend his shows if I don't play on my phone all night instead of being present.

With that being said, I still feel the shadow creep up. I have relapsed a few times. However, I have great people in my life now who are willing to give me a good shake when I do relapse. My parents said they know when ive relapsed cuz my self care and my house start getting neglected.