Addicted to za
I wasn't into the idea of using weed a couple years ago but I had a friend who I used to do it with and i bought a cart and used it in moderation but then I had a bad fall out with this friend and a bunch of stuff happened that I used it more frequently to cope with my feelings that lead myself to becoming addicted. I feel ashamed that I use it in secret. I feel ashamed that I could possibly die but I don’t care if only that I get a hit but I feel ashamed. I’ve made some interesting choices and memories that I think about but I know that shouldn’t made up for smoking multiple carts and I feel ashamed of that. I’m afraid this is going to be a long habit I keep and I won’t realize it has affected me until it’s too late. I think I need motivation to quit too possibly feel normal again.
@enthusiasticRaspberries2327
Is it motivation, or a need to believe you can actually turn away from the addiction? I’d stake my life that you really can do it. It’s not really so much a need to believe, as a willingness to accept the reality that you can do it.
I’ve had a tendency towards addiction myself. I smoked for 23 years, but haven’t since 1986. I also was heavily into alcohol for a several years. While I had the habits, I thought they were helping me cope. Then it occurred to me that the habits themselves led to coping issues, such as self-esteem, confidence, financial impact, how my body felt, how the habits affected those I cared about.
I also decided I needed to know if I could be strong enough to leave the habits behind. I had always thought of myself as weak-willed. Then it occurred to me that if I could avoid a habit for just one minute, I could do it for another minute, and another, and so on.
I started to remember what my life was like before the smoking and drinking. I visualized a time in my life when I never thought about craving bad habits. I thought about the fact that the money I spent on my habits would make payments on a brand new car.
My primary approach included two things, bracketing time in a way that led to a sequence of small victories, for example setting a goal of not indulging in a habit for a few minutes, later the goal became 30 minutes, then an hour, then a day, a week, a month. After 3 months, cravings still occurred, but at that point a wave of confidence manifested, and I knew I didn’t have to worry about going back to the bad habits if I didn’t want to, and I really didn’t want to.
The second thing was to have an alternative way of spending my time. One of the major alternatives for me was exercise, specifically, cross country skiing. It was demanding enough that the tightness in my lungs reminded me of smoking, so in my mind, I let that tightness feel like satisfaction. I was a fatty, but all the exercise make me skinny! I’m still skinny! Not really, but slender, BMI 21.
You don’t deserve self-shaming. Self-nurturing works much better. Self-shaming can give the subconscious the wrong message and make it more difficult to become grounded in the reality that you can succeed.
When you succeed, the principles you’ve learned can be applied to other areas of your life, such as things that require discipline and focus. Leaving addictive habits behind can feel like having attained a badge that says, “I’m really capable!”
If you wish to talk, I’m open to messages or chat if our schedules can line up.