How do I support my alcoholic partner?
I've been with my partner for over a year now. I love him immensely. I knew that he had a history of alcoholism, he did at one point go through impatient therapy and stop drinking. That was about 15 years ago. He's going through a tough time right now and he's having trouble paying bills, his kids are growing up and need less time with him, he's lonely because we don't live together.
I've noticed recently the smell of alcohol on his breath. I don't know how to initiate a conversation without him becoming defensive and shutting down. We have not discussed this at all. As far as he's concerned, I think he believes he's hiding it well. I think he's using alcohol to numb his emotional pain.
How do I start a conversation with him about how I can support him and help him stop drinking again. He did try AA for many years but stopped going and started attending church. I don't want to tell him I want him to stop drinking, I want to tell him that I love him and I want him to talk to me about his problems rather than hiding them under alcohol. I just need some advice, he's my best friend.
Thank you in advance.
@aukuma
It is hard and they will be defensive no matter what because they are embarrassed if they slipped...
It in the long run is very important to reach them if they think they are successful at hiding it they will do more. I know it is uncomfortable and your idea of just being supportive in hopes he translates that to no more drinking...... IMO is not enough.
I spoke to my alcoholic spouse that IF any time he felt so overwhelmed or thinking he needs to drink to do it at home with me here... ( he would never do it out of shame) .... Told him do not hide it and do the same type items that cost him a lot like respect from our now grown kids. I can not tell you how your partner will react but my spouse really appreciated me stepping in ASAP and making it clear throwing away his sobriety did not solve any feelings he was trying to avoid.
Thank you. I had thought maybe I should tell him I just didn't want him to hide it. He's very sensitive and his feet are hurt very easily. But to the outside world he's stoic and quiet.
You shod sit down with him and tell him how you feel and let him know you are here for him
@aukuma
You could start by letting him know how much you love him and how concerned you are about his happiness. Maybe something like “I've noticed the smell of alcohol on your breath, and it worries me." Listen to him. Offer your help and support – whether it's finding professional assistance or attending therapy together. No judgment here, just understanding and compassion. Make sure to keep the conversation positive, focusing on solutions for the challenges he's facing. This might not unfold all at once. Just keep the lines of communication open and let him know you're there, no matter what. You're a great friend and partner, and your support can make a big difference
