I can't seem to let go of many addictions. It's ruining me.
Well, my main addiction is compulsive masturbation since I've hit puberty or something (I'm 18 now). I don't think I ever had clarity in my whole life. I seem to get attached to a lot of ideas and goals—and, obviously, procrastinating everything in my life that's related to my identity.
I want to let go of my phone, to actually study, to finally start working out, to happily become consistent with my prayers, to focus on my goals and hobbies, and to stop feeling dissociated from my own identity—but I can't. I can't stop consuming. The slightest thing distracts me, and I've never had any good habits.
I know, my childhood is wasted. I wasted a lot of times. A lot of years, actually. I've been trying to journal, to track, to study, or to do any slight physical activity, but it all failed.
This is my final school year (most important year), and the exams are in two weeks. And guess what? I didn't even finish half of the contents of my six subjects.
That's why I feel *** about my whole life. My parents, here they are, doing everything financially to support my studies, and, here I am; procrastinating almost nine months.
I'm sorry for all this talk. I know I need to wake up, but I just can't seem to do so. I don't know what could you all possibly do to help me, but I don't want to fail anyone.. or myself.. I know I don't deserve a lot of things. Not just because of my addictions to fantasy and comfort—or the compulsive behaviours of spending the whole day consuming and wasting my life, but also because I know that I did bad—or acted badly—to people that cared for me in the past. It's tiring. I'm tired.
I just want to stop being dissociated and distant and weird and lazy and all of this.
@passionateKite Hello Passionate Kite—thank you for being this honest. Truly. It takes so much courage to say what you just said, even more so when you're feeling stuck, ashamed or tired of your own patterns. So first of all... you’re not alone in this. What you’re going through is real and so many people quietly carry the same battles. Let’s sit with what you said—not to fix it immediately but to just witness it. Because what I see in your message isn’t just addiction or procrastination or selfloathing.
I see a young person who’s deeply aware. Someone who wants to live with clarity. Someone who’s yearning to be disciplined, consistent, spiritual, kind, focused—alive. That desire? That fire you feel underneath the pain? That’s the part of you that hasn’t given up. That’s the part of you that’s worth listening to.
You said you feel like you wasted your childhood. That’s a heavy sentence. But here’s the truth: you were just surviving with the tools you had. You weren’t wasting time—you were coping. You might have reached for the wrong things, but your soul was just trying to feel something. You’re not broken. You’re just exhausted and alone in a cycle you never learned how to step out of. But you can learn.
The thing with procrastination, compulsive m@sturbati0n and other addictions is that they’re not the actual problem—they’re symptoms of something deeper. That deeper issue could be unresolved childhood trauma or maybe it’s that you're feeling unfulfilled in some parts of your life or that you subconsciously associate routine and discipline with a lack of control—something that might have felt dangerous when you were younger. I’m not an expert and if you can.... please talk to a therapist. But when it comes to procrastination, fantasy and the whole cycle of wasting time while dreaming about a “perfect” routine, I can share a few things that helped me. See, habits aren’t something we build from scratch. They’re what we fall back on—because our identity feels safe in them. So if you want to create new habits, the first step is making sure your mind feels safe with change. A lot of resistance can come from deep, hidden blocks. Our mind can be our biggest enemy—and our biggest ally. Rewiring your brain sounds intense, but you can start really small. Begin by shifting how you see yourself. Instead of saying “I need to study” try “I’m the kind of person who studies.” Then back that up by studying just five minutes a day. That’s it. Don’t miss more than two days in a row and slowly your brain starts to believe this new story. If you want a real routine, start by rewriting your identity. Grab a pen and paper. Write down what your “ideal self” does every day—wake up early, study, eat healthy, move your body. Then reframe it all in the present tense: “I wake up early.” “I’m a focused student.” “I take care of myself.” Always frame it positively. Instead of “I don’t eat junk food" say “I eat nourishing food.” That identity becomes your goal. Now create micro-habits that match it. For example... “Since I’m someone who wakes up early, I’ll set my alarm 15 minutes earlier tomorrow.” Keep stacking small habits. Make a habit tracker and cross off each one—just that gives your brain a tiny serotonin hit. Reward yourself. Smile in the mirror. Say your affirmations out loud. Let your body learn that change is safe, that structure is comforting. Over time, the dopamine you get from addictive behaviors will fade, and the satisfaction you get from showing up daily will grow. That’s the goal. Don’t pressure yourself about what you should be doing. Don’t belittle the 5 minutes. You’re already doing more than before—and that’s a massive win. And if you don’t feel like studying, that’s okay. Just sit with the book for 5 minutes. What matters is showing up. Every day. Because you are the person who shows up. It’s a slow process but once you start getting addicted to the new identity, it becomes second nature. Think, act and speak like the person you want to become—and you’ll get there.
I hope it helps <3
@azurePond @passionateKite
I used to be the kind of person who loved sleeping in. Especially during summers, when my siblings and I were sent to stay with our grandparents on their farm. They expected us to wake up at 5 AM to help with chores. And let me tell you—the chores were the easy part. Waking up at 5 am? That hurt my soul. I was basically a walking growling cumulonimbus in the mornings. Not someone you’d want to make eye contact with. That's when the lightning strike.
After that first summer I went back to school, where we had to be at the dining hall between 7:30 and 8:30 for breakfast. So I begrudgingly started waking up around 7 am. One morning, my friend sarcastically said “Wow, you’re a total doll before breakfast.” That got me thinking.
I decided I wanted to become a morning person.
But instead of forcing a dramatic change, I started small. I set my alarm just 15 minutes earlier each month. And I rewarded myself with something I loved—15 minutes of reading fantasy books, only if I woke up early. (I was a total bookworm, so this totally worked.)
Then I started calling myself a morning person. Out loud. Like “I love mornings.” (My friend snorted but hey you are on a new path, people will doubt) I began noticing little things—how quiet it is early in the day, the crispness of the air, birds singing. I started talking about those details with people:
“Did you hear that bird this morning?” Or “The hall lights were still on at dawn!”
And people would ask “How do you even know that?”
I’d just shrug and say “Oh, I’m a morning person.”
If haters asked “Since when?”—I’d smile and reply “Since forever.”
(Or throw a plate at them. Peace was never an option.)
The trick is: never tell people you’re trying to become something—tell them you already are, even if you have started the habit just today . Let your actions reinforce that identity. Show up daily. Make the habit feel safe. Make the change feel like your comfort zone. Do not overextend and burn out.
By the next summer... I was naturally waking up early—without alarms, without rewards. Even on Sundays. Now I’m that person. The one everyone knows wakes up at 5 am like clockwork. I don’t even need the reward anymore. It’s just… who I am. Now people just hate me for being that energetic person in the mornings lol .
That’s the power of identity based habits (or the power of gaslighting yourself)
I really, really appreciate every word. Thanks a lot for saying all of this. I gotta say that this happened to me for a short period.
All my life I thought that I'm a night person, and that I study well when everyone's asleep, etc. I also thought that I'm not that "sports" or "activities" person. I was paralysed to my own beliefs about myself.
I started working out and going to the gym from time to time, and I started waking up early and felt great about studying when everyone else is still asleep (believe me, dawn time is the greatest).
I changed my beliefs about myself—but for a very short period. I fell back harder. Now, I feel stuck more—paralysed more. All I have to do is to try again, right? It's just hard to think about all the things that I have to do to compensate the time I wasted—whether I'm talking about studying or anything else.
It's just too much. Two weeks to cover nine months of content?
@passionateKite
Yes, you are welcome, Passionate Kate! That’s what we’re all here for — to help each other and remind one another to lean on support and take breaks when needed.
Yes.... exactly that —start again..keep showing up... your ideal self...that is all you need. Also don’t get caught up in the idea that your cycle "broke." It happens. Progress is not linear.
That said, try to ensure your microhabits don’t get postponed for more than two days in this new cycle. Also, reflect on what might have triggered you to fall back into old patterns. Was there a specific trigger, emotion or thought? Try writing it out — list as many reasons as you can... even if they feel silly.
For example-
I didn’t want to exercise today because it was raining.
Then ask why.
Why did the rain stop me?
Well, it was a cold morning, so I thought I’d sleep in.
Why?
Because I love sleeping in.
Why?
Because it’s comfortable.
Why do I associate sleep with comfort?
Why do actions feel like a burden?
Keep asking why, over and over. Eventually, you’ll start to see the armour you’ve built around yourself — the thoughts and patterns that block you from action. Recognizing and accepting these is the first step.
In your new cycle, try to stay aware of how this “armour” might show up. It can take different forms- the sight of a made bed might tempt you to lie down or a gloomy day might sap your energy. You can’t avoid a rainy day but you can turn on warm lights, make your room feel brighter or choose to study in a space where you can’t see your bed. Little changes like that can help. (Out of sight, out of mind - that is really true. If you wanna do yoga, put your yoga mat somewhere you can see, if you want to avoid snacking, put your snacks away from where you can see... Make your engineer your environment to suit your new habits so that you can do stuff easily, in less steps and you are constantly reminded.. Put your Habit tracker somewhere you can see )
About your question — two weeks to cover nine months of content? What level are we talking — college or high school? I can definitely share some last minute cramming tips that worked for me.
@azurePond
Thanks again for this. Truly.
As for the level, I'm at my last school year (high school)—which is the most important year, and it is the hardest here in my country. The exams are in MCQ form. I already know just a quarter of every subject.
@passionateKite MCQs – ok... so that is a good sign. The answers are already in the paper.... you only need to bubble the right one. I want you to practise doing at least 5 questions daily. Don’t study for it... just work it out based on your accumulated knowledge (preferably the previous years questions)
Read the question first, then eliminate the most probably wrong answer first (try to write down why you thought it was wrong). Like that, eliminate three options and reach an answer. Do 5 questions like that and then look for the answers. See which of them you got wrong and understand why – was it because you had made a wrong assumption based on halfknowledge? Was it because you missed something in the question wording? (Try underlining the main question words, acts, ranges – like highest, lowest, extreme stuff. Some questions will have “which of them is not the answer,” so underline those. See if you have overlooked anything) See if you understand the demand of the question. Do this daily. For now, don’t time it, but as you practise later, try timing how long it takes you to solve one question and then try speeding up. This exercise will help you get answers from the question even if you’ve only studied half of the subject. Keep an MCQ journal to notice your progress.This will give you confidence to answer mcqs and also help you to make educated guess in the exam hall and arrive at the correct answers. Honestly, no one learns the entire syllabus.. believe me.
Now the second thing that you should do simultaneously... read the syllabus and compare it with the previous years (10 years if you can or at least 5 years). See from where and what type of questions come from each topic and prepare a list of microtopics. For example... in Geography as a subject, you have the syllabus topic about plate tectonics. In the past papers, 3 questions were about fold mountains and the names of the plates responsible for it. So you focus on plate tectonics and fold mountains. Now make a list of microtopics for all subjects and study that only. Only that – the Acts, the diagrams, the numbers, and the maths. That’s how to do it. Just memorise these. Make flashcards, Anki cards, anything.
Third thing – now there are broad theories you need to study. Even when you write down microtopics, you will see such theories. You can’t just memorise them. For example – in Economics, you can’t just by-heart the circular economy... you need to learn it. So from the microtopics you’ve identified, try finding the related theories you need to solve them. Learn those theories from YouTube or through animation videos. You need to understand what the theory is and what its application is. For example – Newton’s third law...you should be able to explain it to a kid and why it’s important. That’s how you learn it.
Fourth – for experiments, you either do the experiments or watch experiments to learn. About History, just create a broad timeline (or they are available on the internet) and just memorise the timeline. You should be able to say what preceded and succeeded what – and make it logically clear. For example – naval expeditions led to colonialism (history - actions and reactions, also ideology of that era)... things like that.
But stick to your microtopics... you will get good scores.
I don't know how I can thank you. You really helped me with all of this. I hope you have a great year.
I appreciate every word.
@passionateKite You are welcome. I hope you have a great year.. Ace the exams, you have got this. Just start somewhere and keep showing up! I am happy to help, if you need anything else, just text me in this thread <3
@passionateKite Also, apologies—just realized my device autocorrected Passionate Kite to Passionate Kate. So sorry about that!
No need to apologise at all. It's totally okay—I didn't even think it was a mistake ⌒~⌒
@azurePond @passionateKite
Ok.... now the things to remember – when you watch the Youtube videos... make sure they are 5 minutes or max 15 minutes long. You don’t have time for 45 minute explanations and teaching. Just use them to learn the theory and the applications (Also best if you are able to hypothesise stuff after learning the theory – if not, no problem – but make sure you have a clear understanding so that you can explain it to someone)
About the list of microtopics you identified from the previous papers – make notes on each paper based on the questions asked. Make sure the notes are not mere copies of your textbooks or the internet. Try to learn the topic and paraphrase it and write them as your own notes. Make sure each microtopic doesn’t extend beyond a page. These one-pager notes are your revision material. You will only read text once (when you make the notes) – you will basically survive on and eat these one-page notes for each topic. They should have these parts - intro, theory, application or experiments or models, diagrams or timelines or cartoon drawings of experiments and keep the facts separate separate in fact file or flashcards
Nothing else – I mean, study nothing else. Believe in your notes. These are the Pareto topics that cover 80 percent of your syllabus. 90 percent of the questions in your exam will be from this. Revise them properly.
Now in the exam hall – you know 80 percent of the syllabus now, you’ve revised – now answer the MCQs. If you come across a question that you don’t know but it’s related to the stuff you’ve learnt – do the elimination trick you’ve practised. Use your logical assumptions, theories, timeline you know, facts you know... then reach the answer.
That’s it. I hope it helps. You already are smart enough to identify your problems, and brave and confident enough to ask for solutions... You’ve got this, Passionate Kate! All the best, I am rooting for you <3
