I couldn’t make it past 9 days

I’ve thought my nicotine addiction was bad, yet I only made it 9 days (alcohol) sober. Kind of going through a breakup, kind of getting out of depression. But I didn’t realize my alcohol issues were this bad. I’m now typing as I drank about 4 shots just to deal with the fact my ex-situationship also best friend now has a girl he likes and tells her all the things he once told me. I tried journaling. I exercised (volleyball). I did the breathing exercises. It was either throwing up or drinking because nicotine couldn’t help either. There’s a long line of alcoholism in my family. Am I doomed? I’m so competitive and not even breaking my streak saved me from going at it again. The worst part is that the only reasons I want to stop is beacause of anemia and the deep and awful depression it sends me on the day after. I need it to cope with depression but after it feels like ***. I feel awful about engaging again.