Just want to feel powerful

And unconditional love when I feel weak.

Ive never tried a hard drug because i know I would destroy myself but im a crackhead with weed

I use it like a surrogate for feminine sweetness and love that is completely vacant in my life.

I will quit for months but always find my way back. To just have a sweet fun Friday night. Dip my toe in the honey pool.

But it sucks me in the deep end.

Every single time. Even when I promise myself just a toe.

Is this a lifelong thing? What do I do.

Sometimes I think the only problem with weed is that its expensive but I know thats not true..