Limerence
Pleaseeee someone message me if you can help with limerence (love addiction) and actually know about it. I feel like I’m going insane. It’s been going on for a year and 8 months now, it won’t stop.
@whokilledmrmoonlight
I am sorry someone with more experience has not answered you....
Limerence in my opinion is more common because it is more like what is portrayed as love in movies etc.... all glowing with zero problems ......... it is strong in our head and that feeling of this person being everything when in reality we overlook any flaws or things that we do not see in them.
Is this situation you are having reciprocated .... i have seen/ heard of many couples throw away their lives and after getting together with the limerence partner it falls apart quickly. because limerence is not as strong as enduring love. I think about a situation i was in with someone they seemed to fill in parts i was not getting and me for them as well but just like making plans and all the details and obstacles we never even saw coming makes it clear we do not see this going long term.
I read that some last a few years .......so although yours is long what stage are you in ?
Usually the 4 stages defined differently on several websites/ articles they are a crush/ infatuation..... obsession..... deterioration ..... the resolution.
Thank youu, and yeah I think I’m in the deterioration stage. I can’t stop thinking about him even though I know it should be over. Every time I think about him, it’s this mix of butterflies and gut-wrenching pain because I know he’s moved on or doesn’t feel the same, or maybe even forgot about me. I keep replaying our memories and holding on to this hope that maybe we could be friends again or something, but deep down I know it’s probably not going to happen. At least I know now he’s not perfect, I truly realize that, but my mind still plays tricks on me lol. Sometimes it feels like I don’t even care that much anymore, but thinking about him and being sad is just a habit I’ve made for myself. Idk, it’s a mix of really caring, being sad, and it just being a habit. Depends on the day, but I still obsess over him more than anything. Everything reminds me of him and I haven’t even talked or seen him in over 2 months. It’s embarrassing. My perception of time is even warped and I’ve ruined friendships, my sleep schedule, hygiene, hobbies, etc.
@whokilledmrmoonlight
I get that we wanted the perfect situation we had in our heads....
we felt good thinking great thoughts about what IF but most of my thoughts like that did not take into account the many many hurdles to that picture. it is hard to let go because our daydreams or thoughts had filled a void for a long time....
Yeah I totally understand. It’s hard to let go when those idealized thoughts were a big part of our escape and comfort. We got so caught up in what could be that it’s impossible to face the reality of the obstacles and what might never happen.
For me, i will quite literally never see my LO again so that puts an end to a couple fantasies, or at least any new ones. I still reminiscence on what could have been back then….
I still have way too many imaginations about texting him tho, which might become reality soon because I’m almost positive I’m gonna try and be friends with him again. I can’t do this anymore. It’s been over a year since I confessed the first time, 11 months since I left the gc with him that we talked in everyday, 9 months since I ended our friendship and confessed the second time, 7 months since I rejoined the gc and kinda became friends with him again, 4 months since I left again, and 2 months of NC. It’s genuinely embarrassing how long I’ve let this drag on, but I can’t stop. I feel like I will never move on if I don’t get genuine closure. Which is exactly why I’m going back to him eventually. I really hope he responds to me the way I want, but deep down I know he probably won’t. But it’s worth a shot I guess…? Idk atp I’m just extremely desperate, even if I don’t get closure I just wanna be friends again. I can’t take this anymore..
@whokilledmrmoonlight
i think forget becoming "friends" again as it is just a way to keep them within our lives and does not help for the limerence to end.... perhaps if you really move on and try to find another person to develop an interest in ....
Yes but not talking to him is taking an extremely negative toll on my life. And I know it’s bad but I kinda already made up my mind. I’ll just try and do it safely without it feeding into it too much.. hopefully I can get some sort of closure from him
@whokilledmrmoonlight
What is the negative impact?
i know i kept talking to a person because he made me feel better about myself but i saw even as good as that was ..........it was only dragging out the what if ... or if only thoughts....
Idk everything is just terrible. It’s hard for me to do anything like sleep, eat, or take care of myself. Everything feels empty, stressful, and it’s all distorted. It feels like I’m in actual grief, as if someone I know just died. Talking to him again might feed into my fantasies but right now I’d almost prefer being delusional than depressed. But even if we did become friends again I don’t think I could be as delusional as before. I’m now better at seeing the real him even if my limerence isn’t completely gone. But honestly, what I really want is proper answers from him, like validation and acknowledgment. Every time I tried to communicate with him I was practically ignored, and he’ll probably ignore me again. But honestly…. Maybe the more he does that, the more I’ll realize he isn’t worth it. Every time I’ve gone back to him, I’ve ended up disliking him more because he keeps letting me down. If I never get the answers I want or if we don’t become friends again because he won’t respond, that might be more closure in itself. Idk either way I think there are some positives to talking to him again, I won’t be as depressed and I might be able to get some answers, and if I don’t get answers then that will help me realize even more that he simply doesn’t care.
@whokilledmrmoonlight Have you tried any therapy i was probably in limerence a few weeks ago slowly getting over it i never met the guy he blocked me so i kinda understand
No but I am getting some soon I think. I heard most therapists don’t know about limerence though so idk if it will work well
@whokilledmrmoonligh Yeah I am not sure on this one really but Reddit had a community for it they seemed friendly there might be therapists but you would have to type in the Google therapist that specializes in it but I know neurodivergent women especially can be prone to it I got article if you like the link good luck :)
@whokilledmrmoonlight has been almost a month. Is anything new happening are you still struggling with limerence? I went no contact and doing good i don't miss him
I was feeling really good for a while, like I was genuinely moving on. But now I'm back to feeling down again. It's always been a cycle of moving on and then missing him, but at least it gets a little easier each time. In fact, I even hit 100 days of no contact a few days ago. I still don’t know if I’ll ever decide to break no contact or not.
