My cousins wife groomed me when I was 12

This is my first time talking about this.

This was around the late 2009s, My parents had separated so my dad took me to Mexico to live with his side of the family. I didn't speak any Spanish and I didn't see the point in making and friends so I stayed in the guest room on the 2nd floor and just played on my PSP. The only person who spoke english was my little brother who would play with the kids outside. Once it gets late all the kids in the neighborhood would go to bed so that the adults can drink and party through out the night. Like every night, a family of alcoholics ._.

My cousin was 27 and his wife was 19. She could have partied with her husband but instead she would hang out with me.i understood a little Spanish to understand that she said if I let her stay, she would let me stay up longer so I agreed. She would watch my play. This went on for about a few hours until I got tired. It was the latest I ever stayed up ever. I fell asleep and woke up with her cuddling next to me. From what I learned later they both had separated and the guest room was actually her room. It was an empty room with nothing but an empty counter and a bed. Could never have guessed that.

I didn't see it as weird since It started off so innocent. Her mother owned the corner store nearby,so she would bring me snacks and drinks. She told me if I did things for her she would bring more and let me stay up longer. It continued for a while and one night I decided to sleep early because I was just sleepy. That night I felt her on top of me and moving a lot and making noises. There was music playing to muffle her sounds. I remember her just doing that for a while until she stopped and cuddled next to me after she was done.

The next night she came over she pretended nothing happened and gave me a hug. She gave me the ice cream I asked her to buy and I fell asleep again afterwards. She didn't do anything to me that night but woke me up to watch a movie with her. I kept falling in and out of sleep and in on scene was people having s*x. I didn't know what I was looking at first but she kept making me watch. She asked if I knew what they were doing. I said yeah she asked if I could do what they do and I said I don't know. She said she would bring me food and buy me another video game so I said okay. This continued for a while and it was I cycle of her getting me things if I did what she asked.

This didn't stop until I moved back to the states and by then I fell into this hyper s*xual attraction to women older than me. This habit continued and into my highschool years and my college years. I would find myself getting attached to older women quickly. As terrible as it sounds I miss the feeling and I know it's bad but I feel a terrible comfort in this.

If there is anyone who can relate please let me know.