Porn
My partner had mentioned his struggle with me, but it was always in a past tense. recently he told me it has been a constant battle and has been watching porn again and had been off and on our whole relationship. he’s going to start therapy and he’s proud of himself for telling me, because he hadn’t told past partners. i’m proud of him for getting help and wanting to stop, but how do i not take this personally? we’ve been together for almost 6 months so i feel betrayed. i already suffer from body image and confidence issues as well as sexual trauma. it makes me not want to be intimate because i feel disgusting and like im not good enough. any tips to ease my anxiety / how to support him during this vulnerable time are greatly appreciated
@brooke1975 @brooke1975 hello brooke, thank you for your post - it's great that your partner is motivated to seek help for this and you're wanting to support him. It's difficult when partners use porn not to take it personally as it feels like it's directed at us, however the clue that this isn't the case here is that it's been a factor in his past relationships - this makes it very much not about you. Furthermore, you're the only one he's broached this with, which demonstrates his commitment to seeking help and his realisation of how much it's affecting you. What I'm hearing here, and which seems to be contributing to the Feelings of personalisation, is insecurity from your own body image and sexual trauma issues - are you able to address this? I've added some links below on tackling body image, which suggests using ACT and DBT approaches, so I've also attached our self help guides for more information on both of those. Hoping you and your partner can navigate this together brooke; the community is here for you.
https://neurolaunch.com/therapy-for-body-image-issues/
https://www.7cups.com/act-therapy-techniques/
https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/
It isn't personal. He's probably been doing it before he met you. It mightve already been a problem before you met and he wasn't comfortable enough to talk about it or didn't see it as an issue until now. Him coming out with it on his own is huge though, but it unfortunately came at the cost of you feeling betrayed and hurt. I'm not sure how to ease your anxiety with it.
Maybe watch what he was watching to try and come to terms with it/understand it? To not give it so much weight.
If you want to support him then just be understanding that he might fall back into it. Maybe ask if you want to watch it together so it's not a thing that he deals with on his own?
Hello, I am a porn addict. My significant other is aware of this and she felt the same way that you do. My parter is the most beautiful woman in the world to me and I’m sure your partner feels the same. Don’t take it personally, porn addiction is real and it’s not bc we’re after something we don’t have, it’s like any other addiction out there, we know it’s not something we want but the thrill of having it is exciting. It releases dopamine in a different way than being with your partner. He needs your support, you can know he cares about you and your relationship just off the simple fact that he confided in you. Just be supportive and always stick by his side.
