Want to be in a relationship but i am scared
My p*** addiction got worse and i dont know how to handle it. I want to find a partner to help with my battles. Someone to hold when i need them most. But im scared that i will hurt them because of my addiction. I dont know what to do.
@determinedKite9607
How do you see a relationship ... you mention them helping you and hoping you can get addiction under control to not hurt them. That seems to just consider your needs............ if you are serious about having a real partnership not a fake fantasy ... a real relationship has much more to it.....
if you want to work on yourself get this under control and then try to meet people...not think you can replace a person for your addiction.... think deeper about what a real relationship looks like for you.
Ask yourself like if it was a job interview what qualities do you have to offer in a relationship?
Qualities that i have is communication. I can communicate effectively while sharing feelings.
Respect is a big one, i would never go out of my to hurt someone, even though i think i will. And ultimately value them as a person and not a object.
And the last one that i have is forgiveness. I think its important especially when it
For the qualities i have some.
Forgiveness: i think some relationships sour because of resentment or holding a grudge. But by talking things out, it can lead to forgiveness.
Another is trust. Giving the benefit of the doubt and being able to trust another.
And communication. Being transparent, i can be and i often try to share feelings with loved one.
As for, the addiction, i dont know how to deal with it. It still feels new to me even after a long time. Thats why i came here to learn ways to combat the addiction and to become a better person.
Im barely 18 so i have much to learn. I never been in a relationship before, so i also would like to learn what other qualities people lool for.
Ultimately i am very serious about becoming a better person and finding a partner.
@determinedKite9607
It sounds like you are very sincere and listed good qualities. Can you communicate why you are addicted to that to a potential partner without them feeling gross about it.
i think the one tip i, myself and others used is evaluating an addiction if the short term effects are worth it.... like alcohol for example the buzz or drunk is fun short term ... is that worth all the draw backs and consequences.
I think the biggest thing about your addiction.... is try to look at it from a film making stand point.... that may sound weird but once you see all the edits and replays of one shot of footage over and over edited to make look like something else makes the item soooooooo FAKE.
If you had a real relationship that worked towards a physical one you will find all that you viewed is not as it seemed on video and i think if that is your frame of reference a partner will not see that as realistic.
If i was to communicate why am i addicted to a potential partner. I would be quite nervous for a number reasons. I will worry about a potential partner seeing me in a different light. I would first tell her when it had started and how it changed my life in such a negative way. Of course, i would want to fix myself up and become a better in person time.
While explaining my commitment to become better, i would already be making progress to become better. So that way my actions speak louder than words. I would want to set any boundries for my sake and their sake too. Whatever the boundries might to make sure she cant be hurt and myself hurting too. In the end, this what i would share to a potential partner.
Ultimately, this is what i think and would like to learn more. I started a plan in the 7 cups app to help me combat the addiction. And look foward to learning from other people who have done this longer than me.
There is no one that will take that on. Realise reality and help yoursf first take on a healthy time and place then all will fall into place
@determinedKite9607 I have struggled with it too. BIG time. Do you really want to stop it? An accountability partner is effective and so is taking concrete steps, i.e. filters and software to keep your browsing under control. But, you have to want to.
Do you want to know more? I can help take some beginning steps. Do you want to do that?
