ig this is gonna b sorta like a diary
yo im 15 n im addicted to xans n percs and no one rly knos abt it. when i was 13, i got into coke bc of a guy i was dating and i think thats how evrything started.
todays i think abt a week into may, but its been rly hard tryin to keep track of time lately i dont kno what exact day it is. ive been sober a few hours, but all day ever since i woke up, all i could think abt was how badly i wanted to get high, but i dont have anything left n i got no money, so i tried distracting myself by watching tv n talkin to people n goin outside to skate, but nothing worked n since no one was home except for my lil sister who was still asleep, i searched the entire house, i rly looked evrywhere hoping to find pills or money or something but all i found was $5 in change n i got real mad. i thought id at least find painkillers since my mom hurt her leg real bad a while ago and i feel shitty for even thinkin abt stealing her painkillers. i ended up looking up evry single thing in the medicine cabinet, seeing what could get me high and i feel fucking stupid saying it, but i downed half a bottle of cough syrup and it got me fucked up i still feel it a bit. i considered takin my add meds that my mom made me stop taking bc she thought they made me agitated, but shed notice if they were gone. i hav school tomorrow i might ask a couple of my friends to blaze but thatll only last a couple hours idk what im gonna do
im gonna try updatin this evryday ig thats my thing for today
@tajxoxoxo Hi there, and welcome to the community! We are delighted to have you here. I really appreciate you opening up to us about your addiction and history which can be quite difficult. I hope you are feeling okay, and I understand how harsh cravings can be. We are here for you! I think it is awesome that you are going to write down recent developments here, and we look forward to hearing from you.
If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to reach out to the listeners here. Also, let us know if you have any questions or concerns about 7Cups. Best wishes, and I hope you have a nice week. We are here for you, and I appreciate you reaching out to us. :)
last night, i started to feel real sick and ended up trying to go to sleep early around 11 but as soon as i laid down i started to feel the room spinning and see colours on the walls and get cold sweats and whenever i closed my eyes to try to force sleep, it made it worse and i didnt know what to do because no one in my house knows i use anything. i eventually gave up trying to sleep and finished this book i was reading called the basketball diaries and the author was talking abt how he started using drugs when he was real young and he used to think he had all his drug use under control, that hed say he wouldnt get addicted, until he did and thats rly exactly how i feel. after smoking weed and occasionally using harder drugs for almost 2 years, i never got addicted to anything until a few months ago and it made me feel more at ease knowing that im not the only person thats felt like this and i finally fell asleep. but as soon as i woke up this morning, i went to the bathroom and had to sit down for a couple hours feeling like i was gonna throw up but nothing would come out because i havent been eating well, afraid if i eat anything id throw it up. i ended up not going to school even tho i know i shouldnt miss it because im failing every class and i have to at least pass so i dont have to redo all of grade 10 but school doesnt seem to have a point anymore. my friends were texting me asking where i was so we could blaze but when i told them i was sick they didnt care and jus
@tajxoxoxo said theyd blaze with me tomorrow. i rly dont feel like any of my friends at all are actually friends, theyre jus people that talk to me sometimes and smoke with me and that sucks, its so hard having motivation to get better or do anything when theres no one to do it for. my best friend cared, but we havent been talking as much since she got a boyfriend, he seems to be her first priority now while shes still mine. she thinks i stopped using months ago tho, i lied to her abt it when she told her mom and they tried to get me into rehab but i didnt want my family to know so i ignored them for a couple weeks and then convinced them i was doing better when i was worse than ever. that doesnt matter now anyway since shes probably moving to another city. i feel so guilty hiding how im doing from the only friend that rly cared abt me. i think i have no one and nothing to look forward to and nothing to do anymore and its scaring me
ive already posted today, but i feel almost completely different from how i did earlier. i havent been taking care of myself properly lately like doing my hair or washing my face or having proper hygiene in general, id just spray myself with perfume and put on the easiest clothes i could find to put on but one of my friends i havent had a proper conversation with in months talked to me today saying to take care of myself and offering to make a schedule for me to make it easier and even only that gave me so much motivation and i had a nice bath and washed my hair and shaved my legs and washed my face and picked out a nice outfit to wear tomorrow since ive always been into fashion but havent had the effort to dress decent in a while and i watched a rly lighthearted show i used to love and im abt to read before i go to bed and that all seems like stuff people normally do but it was a big achievement for me and even tho i still physically feel sick and weak i at least feel like taking care of myself is a start and i could rly b ok if i keep it up. after i did all that the first person i wanted to tell was a close friend that ive sort of been driftin away from the past few days but i dont want our friendship to end, so i told him and he seemed proud n to genuinely care how im doin even tho it hasnt seemed like it lately. i think all i needed was for someone to care, i think im going to be okay