Feeling furious
Hi first time user of this site so not sure how it all works.... however I'm sitting in bed furious and needed to vent or I don't think I will get any sleep......so here goes... my partner of 26 years + years is an addict. I found this out about 2 years into the relationship. And since then he has been to detox too many times to count and the most recent about 4 years ago only lasted less than a week b4 he discharged himself. He was initially addicted to heroin, then gambling and now ice.... ice seems to be the worst or maybe it just seems like that bc it's the latest. We have separated three times over in our relationship. The last time was 4 yrs ago for about a year. I was doing well until an incident happened to me at work and for some reason he called and yes I was vulnerable and he came home. He was clean and doing well. This lasted for about 8 months until he got an inheritance or he contested his parents will and thus got a payment from the inheritance. At first things were going well he brought equipment he needed for work, was working mire than I have ever know him to work and doing well. Then the money rang out. I think back and realise he'd started living the 'high life and once the money rang out he had no way to maintain it. Adding to thus sadly our 16yr fur baby had to be PTR last July (they were really close) and that seemed to be when it all broke down. His ure blew up and has no money to fix it so to help him out he would use my car while I was working from home. (I work 20hr per week casual) he was working via the airtasker app that I organised and was kept pretty busy. Then I found out he was telling me he was going to work but he actually wasn't. And lost a few jobs. He now hasn't worked in three months. The only job he has done is one where I went with him to make sure he actually did the work. From that job he payed Rego on another vehicle he had. ATM I am struggling to pay the bills with only my causal work which isn't much. Then 2 days ago I find out that he has invited 2 women I don't know to go to the pub and play pokies. I confronted with this knowledge and he maintained I was being stupid. So I told him to show me his msg on his phone and prove I'm the stupid one! After finding one of the msg he made up a story and accused me of being ridiculous yet again and stormed out. He has only come home late for the past 2 notes after I've gone to bed. Tonight I asked if he thought that if he stayed out would I forget. And apparently there was nothing to forget bc he maintains he's done nothing wrong. I know in myself that I along with most would not appreciate their partner asking 2 women they don't know to go to the pub to play pokies. A slide from the fact gambling was / probably still one of his addictions I think it's really disrespectful to go to the pub with women I don't know. So want to know other people's thoughts on the matter. And yes I do appreciate that it's probably the least if concerns but this is new to me as he has not done this behaviour b4. TThis is the new group of people he is hanging around with all drug users. I find it hard to believ u can be 60 years old and want to live a life like this. When u could be living a nice normal life free of stress. Anyho thought would be appreciated bc im over it and not sure what to do anymore. Ice makes him so arrogant that u can't even reason with him. And to get told "I don't know what ure on about" has made me furious and unable to sleep. Thanks in advance.
Hi @cyanField4053
That was rough indeed... Hope you've calmed down and consider the situation at hand calmly by now *hugs*
I agreed. It is disrespectful to partner to ask girls out without the partner's consent and agreement.
Btw, welcome to 7Cups 💜
Hi thanks for that appreciate it. Yes have somewhat calmed down but it's a constant struggle doing a thousand head miles and almost laughing at myself trying to get validation for something that I know is inappropriate and disrespectful! Aside from that the way I see it today is that it's actually my life... I only get one... and if I consider that it's disrespectful and he thinks that it's totally fine (even if it's drugs giving him the arrogant boost) it's actually up to me if I think is appropriate or not! So if i say it's not than its not. And it's not something I want to comprise on. Sadly after 26 + years of this constant struggle, putting my life on hold, missed opportunities, always been the one that worked, having to pay for two people to live, not having money to go on a break, not staying over with family/friends bc I wouldn't trust him to look after the fur babies (he's go out all nite and leave them with no food), using the same old excuse... it's the drugs not him, no birthday/Christmas etc present most years, never any flowers or random acts of kindness, not having children nor getting married, the lies and deception that have happened so often that it's 2nd nature to him & sadly me, waking up every morning for the past few months to an empty breakfast bowl and cup on the table and him gone god knows where and not return till late afternoon or nite with no reason, my phone calls & txt not answered, the boundries put in place upon his last return home all trampled to his advantage, the drugs found in the house, the endless amount of hocked items never to be returned, the mood swings, the worry and stress, the list is endless really to the put even I'm applauded at myself for compromising my values and beliefs that I hardly recognise the strong independent person I used to be! But sadly if I tell him anything on that list I'm told I'm controlling and all I ever do is cut him down and criticise! I think I might have realised last night that my fear is that I've given literally over half of my life to this relationship and it's hard to give up bc the off chance he gets and stays clean then it's been a waste! However if I continue on then I'm not being honest with my self and I'll never have the life I dream of. So maybe I should start to think that if he gets clean and stays clean that really great for him and he might have a chance of a happy life just not with me, and that that should be ok bc all u should want for the people u love is to be happy yer. That way I might have the opportunity to start over and gain the happiness that every1 should deserve b4 I'm 60! Anyho that's again it did feel good to wake up to a response and it does feel better to chat to some1 instead of just writing it down for no one to read. So thank you for that it is much appreciated 💖
@cyanField4053 beautifully written eventhough it breaks my heart to read it and you're wise in seeing the situation 💜
You've done your best and you very deserve to be happy.
You're very welcome and all the best for the better days and future!