Porn Addiction Support
I'm in a fairly good position when it comes to my boyfriend's porn addiction. He told me a year into the relationship and we are working together to get help for it and he is very empathetic towards me. However, I would love to get the chance to talk to someone who has been through this. It is a very hard situation and I struggle with anxiety and that makes it harder. How do I support him while also supporting myself? I am currently also grieving the betrayal which is also difficult. Any advice on that?
@Pandalover1223 Hello Panda, welcome to the community. We are happy to have you here with us. I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on, and I appreciate you reaching out here for support. That takes so much courage! It is fantastic that your boyfriend is open about his addiction and that he is mindful about it with you. Kudos to you both for open communication! How are you coping these days? It can be hard to look after ourselves when we are helping out others, but self care is vital especially in those scenarios.
If you haven't already, feel free to check out our resources section here.
Feel free to also check out the relationship and friends sub-community as well here.
Best wishes, and I wish you both the best. Feel free to keep us updated on how things fare. :)
I’m sure you won’t see this after two years but my husband is also a porn addict
I am also struggling with a spouse of porn addiction. It seems to be getting more and more disturbing. I am beginning to worry about his mental health due to the types of porn I have walked in on him watching and also the intense masturbating he performs in his sleep nightly. How do I deal/cope with this? He is not interested in getting help or even talking about this.
I’m really sorry you are going through this. My partner is also a porn addict, he’s 6 months clean but the problem is, we never really know if they are clean or not and unfortunately even when they stop, you are always hyper alert of signs.
things that helped me
saying “his addiction is not my problem, I am beautiful and deserve to be happy”
if you don’t want to leave him - build your own life, personally my partner knows if I sense it, see it or feel pornography in the house again, he’s out. I had to set a firm boundary as you do because this will be causing you a lot of sexual trauma even if you do not realise it is.
if you struggle to set boundaries here are some healthy ones you could start with
“i do not feel good when you masturbate next to me in bed, I will be sleeping on the sofa/ spare room until this stops”
also, something that is overlooked with porn addiction, the partner is often deprived of sex and intimacy.
suggest an open relationship to your partner so you can get your needs met without being dishonest or disrespectful? (This could trigger his porn views to change as it did with my partner)
be honest with him about your feelings! I described my partners addiction to him and reversed the roles
”imagine if you walked in on me pleasuring myself to guys who look nothing like you” and so on and so on
im not a professional, but I’m confident my partner has stopped, also you are not alone, he used to do all the same things your partner does.
my partner said to me when we got back together. I asked him “what made you finally realise the damage it was doing?”
and he said
when you kicked me out
I was back in my granddads spare room on porn heavy again
no life
no girlfriend
nothing
except porn in one hand and my dick in the other
and he cried
he sobbed into his porn
and that was it
he told all his friends and family so everyone could hold him accountable
they can change, they can stop, but whilst they are getting their desires met in their porn, and their needs met with you, why would he change?
you have to do something to change YOUR life
and let him choose how to live his
sending so much love and support
