Spouse Looking for Support/Validation
Hi all,
My husband has had a problem with cocaine and alcohol for the last 10+ years. I knew this going into our marriage, but when we got married he had been clean for 2 years.
Over the summer, he relapsed after being clean for 2.5 years, and after 3 months of using told me. He only uses when he has been drinking, and he only drinks when he hangs out with his friends, though he does not do coke with his friends. This happens usually 1-2 times per week, but sometimes up to 4.
Each time he comes home high he tells me and we talk about it. He is aware that drinking is a trigger for him, and that his friends trigger the drinking. He doesnt feel he can tell his friends about the problem, and doesnt feel they would be willing to stop drinking if he did (they would downplay it and say - yeah but its not a problem!). He expresses that he does not get pleasure out of doing it anymore, but cannot stop and recognizes that he needs outside help, but isnt ready to take that step yet. He is very scared of the health ramifications of having this problem for 10+ years. He has stated before that he wishes his addiction caused a personality change (him to become angry or mean, etc.) because maybe then it would be enough to stop, because him dying isnt.
Im really happy he was able to tell me and is still open and communicative about it, and he recently told one of his friends which Im really proud of.
Any advice on how to cope while hes still not ready to seek help?
@Warmheartedcoconut27
Personally, I think he should get real. I would give him a choice, but that would be it.