Affair with a Swinger

I'm sorry about this, your position is very difficult. I know that a catholic upbringing can really have an impact on how you perceive yourself and your desires. But you should know that there is absolutely nothing wrong in having strong sexual desires, even involving rough sex. It's totally normal, we are human, and sex is not something bad in itself! What you desire doesn't make you less worthy!

I believe that you love your husband. I know love and sexual desires don't always go hand in hand. I can't tell you how to deal with it, since it's something only you can determine. There are many paths you can choose, all of them present challenges. My only suggestion is to choose what you think will bring you more peace. Peace has many levels: physical, mental, emotional... It's up to you to decide what will bring you more peace. But whatever you will choose, you don't have to feel bad because of it. You are a person with normal feelings and desires just like everyone else, and none of this is inherently bad.

Something that catches my attention, though, is the lack of communication between you and your husband. You tried to make him aware of your needs, but he didn't seem to listen. Maybe it's just not something in his chords, or maybe he didn't fully understand how much it means to you. Sometimes, we tend to minimize the requests of our loved ones if we can't understand how important these reuqests really are. Perhaps you could try being even more open with him, making him aware of how much this means to you, and how important it would be for your wellbeing to at least give it a try and not neglect this part of yourself. Dialogue is really important, and whatever you'll decide, it will be also in the future.

I wish you all the best. Above all, my hope for you is that you can make peace with all sides of yourself.