Help me

Im a well respected men a good brother a hard working men who helps helping and doing the fair thing since I was 6 or 8 I got hard addicted to porn till this day. Sometimes when I was watching porn for the 4th time in a day I imagineed my girlfriend having sex or being oppressed to have sex with other guys and after I was done pleasing myself I was disgusted and ashamed. I love this I would die for her I caused her so much pain and caused our souls so much pain today I broke down and search for someone to talk I'm porn addicted with every single possible person in my life I imagined in sexual position but when I'm not *** I don't have this desire at all I'm normal please help me someone if I can be helped please I'm lost I just hope I can held her in my arms without me being ashamed of myself and twitching the whole time till I want to throw up I love her and she loves me we are both kids who their parents hate each other and we found a bond together where we protect and love each other can I love her again like I did before traumatic pork thought