Porn Convinced Me I wanted these fantasy's..

I watched porn since I was a kid. Had the worst dirty thoughts you could think of. I mean bad. Started with lesbian porn, moved on to guy on girl, got bored, moved on to interracial, moved onto cuckolding from there. Since I ran into cuckolding, I have tried to talk every girl I have been with and am with, to sleep with hung black men. The one I'm with now actually did it, but immediately regretted it. How acted towards her after felt like it wasn't even in my control. Treated her like she was shit human being for doing it. Then went back to requesting it. I have stopped now, but it still sits in my mind, and sometimes I still crave to see it. I am also extremely self conscious, can't talk to girls, can't look people in the eyes, all from watching porn. I believe it should be banned. It is too hard to resist. Easy when I'm having 'relations' enough, but since I've been with this girl, I barely ever get relations.