Underlying Causes
Hi all,
Today I invite everyone to think about the feelings and underlying causes of your sex or porn addiction.
What feelings or events precede a fix? Anxiety? Loneliness? Depression? Rejection? Codependency?
When was the first time you remember feeling this way? Was this around the time the addiction started?
What are some positive coping strategies that could help with these underlying causes?
Example: Therapy, distraction techniques such as movies and shows, journalling, talking to friends or support networks, art, music, doing a hobby you enjoy, exercise, spirituality, learning something new. Feel free to grow this list with things that work for you.
Thank you for sharing these great questions to start thinking about things more deeply.
Hello. I’m new but , I can say random moments of , being turned on , sometimes it’s of thinking about this guy I work with that I’m starting to flirt with , and sometimes its for no reason at all. And I’m at that moment needing to release it by myself watching porn. It can be awkward if I’m around family, or friends, which recently I have been home all the time doing classes, watching my niece , making sure the house is good while everyone’s working , & I get little breaks during the day but, unless it’s night and everyone’s heading to bed , or there’s absolutely no one home , I avoid watching it. A habit I’ve formed is I watch the videos and try to get that feeling out of the way as fast as I can then getting myself together and doing something else. I ,,,first started this addiction when I got my first smart phone and first internet laptop and did exploring accidentally, when I was a freshman in high school. I was a high schooler and socially awkward with family , they let me hangout upstairs or in my room a lot , but ,,I think they could tell when I was watching it ,,which makes it even more awkward. The whole issue with my family is very very long so I won’t get into it unless anyone’s absolutely interested in hearing it. Now I can’t break it ,,there are days I can go without it and days I cannot,, it varies. And, I find that it’s made me alittle more akwArd in public since sometimes , a lot of the time, I see these super attractive men and ,,check them out , & they check me out right back sometimes , well, atleast the guy that likes me that works with me does. And then I look at girls different too, like, I see a specific girl and think “wow she looks a lot like the one from that video” or “what if she was in the video” ,,,,or see random people I’ve looked at in real life and imagine them and me in the videos performing what’s being done in the videos. I’ve never told ANYONE about this so I ......I’m trusting no one will ever find out ,& that I can get some help because , hah I don’t know where to begin. And ,,,I don’t have a friend that can get on me and make sure I stop, and talk to them when I’m tempted to.
God I hope I get some help and am not judged right away...
Just don't take it too seriously, I'd say the 'feeling' you are talking about is normal, though your relationship with your family might complexes the situation a bit. It is absolutely normal If you have sexual impulses or desires, I say watch porn is not a bad way to vent it out. If you still really having trouble getting it under control, I suggest try having regular sex or masturbation, the so-called 'feeling' also has to do with the various hormone levels in your body, it directly affects your mind, the real sexual activity could bring them back to a normal level. I just want to mention that masturbation is a normal, healthy sexual activity, and all people with common sense would not judge about it. btw, I am not a therapist or anything, I just created the account
@redLime6228
Hi Redlime,
It sounds like you have rewarded yourself every time you get an urge. If every time you have an urge you satisfy it, it can potentially lead you to have difficulty saying "no" to that part of you. It is very difficult for us as humans to live with discomfort, to not give into our impulses. It takes practise to do this. It sounds like doing this is strting to invade other parts of your life, giving you a sense of awkwardness and shame. Sexual feelings is not something to feel ashamed of, but perhaps in reality you feel ashamed of not feeling in control of your feelings and urges.
Remember that it is something that takes practise. Like all urges in all addictions, they can pass if you use coping strategies and distraction techniques. It is really about finding a balance for yourself. What do you want? What will make you happy? Do you not feel as in control as you would like to be? What would change this? You need to explore these parts of yourself and figure out what will both make you happy now AND what will make you happy later. Weighing the pros and cons in short and long term is essential for real satisfaction, so you just have to figure out what it is that you want.
