Im sad
Im unable to move on from the hurt ive dealt with. I dont if life will get better. Im so tired of life. Im tired of the things im struggling. Im tired of not getting the right help.
I have so many mismatch with therapist.. and i just feel its hopeless.
Im having trust issues with mental health professionals.
I could write a list of all that happened so far.. but im too tired.
The last clinical psychologist i saw told me im cherry picking.
I spoke to AI about it, so I'm gonna copy paste:
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session #5 we discussed about many things,cbt and how to clean my room, "tile by tile". but something rly bothered me.
me: when i was a child i would play video games instead of showering.
her: you probably needed to be caned at the time (chuckle)
session #6 (after a month or longer) due to ruminating from her comment and struggling with other things i brought up to her.i told her i struggled with doing the homework and i havent been coping well. and i brought up one of the thing among other.
me: when i told u i avoided shower as kid you told me i probably needed to be caned it really bothered me.
her:you're cherry picking. youre taking the small part of the session as the big picture.
i know the reason why she said im cherry picking.
because instead of focusing on cleaning my room tile by tile.. or the cbt homework.. and other positive part of the therapy.. i got stuck from her comment..her joke about me needing to be caned. tbh..that wasnt the only instance where i felt the rupture.
but do u think it was fair for her to respond to my bringing with "cherry picking"?
```
So this is just one of it.
Im so tired...
Im beginning to hate cbt too.. i find it invalidating. I'm seeing a doctor who isnt a psychiatrist yet.. he's giving me therapy every month while also prescribing me anti depressant.. i feel like im just going along.. i dont really trust him that much even if he is friendly. I dont trust him enough to tell him what happened with my psychologist.
Oh btw, she ghosted me too. She never gave me next appointment date. That was abiut 3-4 months ago. >.> I went to therapy department, they contacted her during while shes busy and she said she will inform about the date, the staff there told me they'll contact me. That time i was feeling kinda dissociated too or like a hung over after the therapy
session.. i was crying.. she was awful.
@fairmindedFig719
Here you are heard.
Your feelings matter.
I'm sorry you are sad .
I'm sorry things are not working out for you.
I'm sorry you are struggling.
Your feelings matter.
💜💕
@fairmindedFig719I'm really sorry you've had such a difficult experience with therapy and that you feel so tired and frustrated. It’s completely understandable to feel hurt and mistrustful after being ghosted by your psychologist and feeling invalidated by CBT. Therapy should be a safe and supportive space, and it sounds like you haven’t felt that with your recent providers. Feeling like you’re just “going along” without real trust or connection can make everything harder. It’s okay to want a therapist who truly understands and respects you. If you want, I can help you think through what kind of support or therapy style might feel better for you, or ways to find a therapist who matches your needs more closely. Please remember your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to seek the help that feels right for you, even if it takes time to find. You deserve care that feels safe and helpful.
@fairmindedFig719 i think you may be expetiencing re traumatisaiton like i do tto tired writr anything else its been a hrd fay xonnected to that.
She was not only unprofessional, but unkind. If she told me that, I'd throw a fit. If she is getting paid to help me, she should make sure I am getting my money's worth. Yeah, it was one sentence (and probably more) but she should apologize for offending you because your situation is not supposed to be a laughing matter. It is supposed to be handled with sincerity, seriousness, compassion, and genuine kindness. If she slipped up by telling that "joke" ,well, what was she hoping? Progress? Anyway, to be honest, I don't trust therapists or psychiatrists with all my problems. Yeah, we can tell them and they can prescribe us medication, but they are not there to solve the problems for us. They are there to analyze our situation, give us different perspectives, reveal things we didn't realize, and remain professional at all times.
What she says and does are things that of course affect your perception of her. The same goes to you. Or anyone. Including myself.
It is not in people I trust, but in God.
You need someone who is compatible with you as a person first and as a therapist second. Being a therapist is someone who simply does things that a therapist does either by the book or not. But when someone is compatible with you as a person (while being a therapist) they can see your situation and put themselves in your shoes. God knows. He made them.
You can take a break from therapy. I tried CBT but doing these exercises about discovering yourself and explaining and things like that that involves writing... they can make you discover things but they don't really solve the core problems. I don't think CBT can help solve someone with financial problems. no way.
Someone on the internet even talked to a professional about their financial problems while the professional helper was actually richer than them. It made them feel bitter, the client.
If you can find a therapist that specializes in depression or someone who specializes in your specific case you can find that. Someone who actually has gone through the same would be better.
If all else fails, there's always the God of MCGI.
That's up to you.
May you find them ❤️
