Accepting Life
Hello all - newbie here. I struggle daily with the concept of acceptance. I have thoughts/plans for what I want my life to be like (now and in the future), and so every time I hit a potential bump or hiccup that could diverge me or delay me from this plan, my anxiety goes crazy.
One example is my wife and I are looking for a house (not a great time...we know...but is what it is I suppose). The sheer expense of this is stressful enough, but on top of that I've recently had some bad dental problems, which are adding up to quite a bit of money. This is causing me extreme anxiety, to the point where I am considering living with dental pain just so I do not have to spend the money to fix it because this will delay our ability to buy a home according to the "plan".
I know this is crazy...my health should always come first, and my wife supports me and says I need to get the work done to not be in pain, but I cannot avoid trying to force my life to fit this mold that I have pictured for myself, even if it comes at my own physical expense.
This is just one recent example, but similar thoughts to these come up in my mind all the time.
Do folks have advice on how to be more accepting of the hand that you are dealt in life and how to simply make the best of your situation without constantly sacrificing aspects of life or controlling other parts of life to try to fit into this view of "where my life needs to be".
My life really isn't bad, in the grand scheme of things, but I can't help but always focus on where I am lacking, rather than where I am succeeding/happy.
Thanks in advance and sorry for the rant.
@reliableTree8431
I think we all have experienced this sort of thing and we want to stay the course but it may sound goofy but i stop and think maybe this instance/ item is a speed bump telling me to wait....
Sounds crazy but i have had small example and each time i did not heed them i regretted it.
Of course some will just say coincidence and try to push through ..........as you do it feels like pushing a heavier and heavier weight up hill ....
I missed what i thought was going to be a great thing once but because i waited i found something that worked much better.
@reliableTree8431 Acceptance can be difficult. You might try to think of acceptance as the result of your attitude rather than the tool to use to deal with your problems. When you’re in a state of non-acceptance there is a lot of suffering. So deal with the cause of suffering. In Buddhism it is said there are 3 causes of suffering: a clinging (or obsession) to what you want, an aversion (or pushing away) what you don’t want, and an unawareness that you are clinging or in a state of aversion. Buying a house is hard - don’t push away the fact that it is hard. Don’t stay obsessed with this is hard. Don’t stay obsessed that your dental issues make it harder. It’s not that we accept it and then we don’t suffer, it’s that we choose not to increase our difficulty by dwelling on how our plans are disrupted. That choice is active. The choice not to let our mind dwell in thoughts of “it’s not working, it may never work, it isn’t working on my timeline” is what results in acceptance because we realize that not making that choice is harming us. Come to this choice gently because you’ll have to continue to make this choice over and over because acceptance is not a one and done process. You can probably fix your teeth and buy a house or fix and buy later. But battling against the current challenges in your life is building a practice of non-acceptance.
