A week of struggles
I haven't had this much anxiety for a very long time. I don't know why I'm feeling like this...well, that's a lie. I know why, sort of. Some people are doom scrollers, I'm a doom thinker. My brain can never keep me in the present moment. No matter how much mindfulness I practice, it's fleeting. A minute or two and then it jumps to the next big problem. But no problems are there.
Over the weekend a problem occurred. It wasn't a terrible problem. Just one of those things that pop up that makes things inconvenient. It was solved a few days later, but in those days between, I panicked about the issue, over and over, thinking of all the negative things about it. Even though no one else was. Even though everyone else understood that it would be resolved and it wasn't a big deal.
Then, once it was resolved I relaxed...for a few minutes. My brain decided that wasn't good enough, and so it started looking for something else to worry about - and it found it. It has made me start thinking about "what if" scenarios for the upcoming weekend. It made me start doom thinking again. It created a negative scenario and now I am thinking about how I can fix and solve a problem THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST!!!
I'm so tired of this. I was never like this before. The past few years have just been stressful and it has flipped everything I think and feel on end and I am TIRED of feeling this way.
I know I have to be present, to be in the moment, to not dwell on things that haven't happened, to not make up stories in my head. To just enjoy what is happening, right here, right now, in this minute. Because everything is okay.
I just don't know how to do it, and every day I live this way is one more day I'm not happy.
@thoughtfulmomma
I'm sorry you had such a bad week.
The thought processes sound so tiring and upsetting 💚
It's important to try and identify triggers and put some coping mechanisms in place, to ease your pain 💚
@Amanda84
I'm trying. I know my triggers, and have discussed it thoroughly with my therapist. I know I have to work harder to live for now, not suffer for a day that I made up in my head.
I've been alone a lot more in the recent weeks, so I know that's having a toll on me. It's winter here, and cold, and gloomy, and I think it all is piling up on me. I need to remember to get out more, even if the weather is miserable, and surround myself with people. Even if I'm not talking to anyone, just having life and activity around me will help me feel a bit better.
@thoughtfulmomma
I fully have no doubt you are trying 💚 Yes the gloominess of winter doesn't help at all, I hope you find something to give you some peace of mind 💚
@thoughtfulmomma
I'm so sorry it's been a rough week! I am the same way when it comes to making up problems in my head and worrying about them for hours or even days on end. It becomes so real to you that you forget it's not even real. If you need to chat, let me know and I'd be happy to be a support for you. We got this, this weekend will be better!