Silent Battles: My Fight with Fear and Rejection
Sometimes, when I try to open up to my best friend and talk about how I feel, I’m met with indifference or short responses like “ok.” This makes me feel invisible and even more alone. I get the impression that my emotions don’t matter and that I’m not important.
Sometimes we argue, and I can’t defend myself well or express my feelings. Then I quickly give up and shut down because I’m afraid I’ll only make things worse. This increases my anxiety and the feeling that I can’t defend myself or be understood.
Sometimes I feel like the people around me expect me to be strong and handle things on my own, but that’s not true. When I feel overwhelmed and sad, it’s hard for me to admit it because I’m afraid of being judged or rejected. So I often hide my feelings and pretend everything is okay, even though inside I feel differently.
Other times, when my friend says something that hurts me, it’s very hard for me to express it. Instead of saying what I really think, I prefer to withdraw because I’m afraid that if I get upset, I might lose that person. This constant suppression of emotions makes me feel more and more tired and lonely.
@Aluminium1991
It is ok to speak up about things that are bothering you.
To tell people you may need help that you do not always have it. To speak up when they crossed a line and hurt or offended you. If you lose a person ... they were not real or good friends anyway.
We do not learn how best to express our feelings when we never get the chance to talk with anyone about it. When you do open up it becomes easier. I think i have lost more people because of things I never bothered to say ....... then I lost speaking up. Too many feelings and such get out of control over assuming how someone will act and avoiding things.
I struggle with the same thing, I suggest that you try to give yourself the right to speak whenever something bothers you, it’s gonna feel hard at first but if you keep doing it, no matter what they say or react, you’ll feel powerful, because if they see that part of you, they’ll fear of ever saying the wrong things around you. If they’re so ignorant about hurting your feelings, I don’t think you should continue being their friend. Bottling up your feelings will only hurt you more. Speak up to those who care for you, and try to decrease your relationships with those who don’t acknowledge your efforts.
I struggle with the same thing, I suggest that you try to give yourself the right to speak whenever something bothers you, it’s gonna feel hard at first but if you keep doing it, no matter what they say or react, you’ll feel powerful, because if they see that part of you, they’ll fear of ever saying the wrong things around you. If they’re so ignorant about hurting your feelings, I don’t think you should continue being their friend. Bottling up your feelings will only hurt you more. Speak up to those who care for you, and try to decrease your relationships with those who don’t acknowledge your efforts.
I can understand that you feel pressured from the people you care about, if you feel like you really love these people and don’t want to lose them. I guess you’d have to have patience and try to be stronger about the things that hurt you, and I’m sure you can!
@Aluminium1991
Hi, I'm so sorry that you are facing these challenges and difficulty.
Firstly, I really want to say that all your fear and hiding feelings are all very understandable. All your feelings are valid and you have no fault feeling that way.
You mentioned that you got indifferent responses when you tried to open up to your friend. I understand that their acts are indeed upsetting. And yes I can really relate to the feeling of being afraid of being judged, that leads to hiding our true emotions.
Relations are complicated and I am very sorry that I cannot give an effective advice, since myself is also trying to figure out solution for this problem. But I am writing to send you supports.
Personally, I journal down some of my feelings, which I didn't reveal to others. Journaling helped me a bit.
Sending hearts and support! you are not alone
