anxious. maybe im depressed maybe im not. ive been feeling scared lately

so ive been feeling weird. i don't want to admit that im depressed. maybe I am maybe I'm not. I'm confused bcz I know for a fact that I was 2 years ago, and that I'm definitely in a better place in my head than i was then. but the thing is every night or sometimes even in the day i catch myself having the same emotions, i catch myself being afraid of losing my mind. I'm afraid of being alone and hurt . again. i mean i honestly have learned to be alone , and it's not that bad, and sometime in the day I really do need some alone time some me time. but not all the time? i need friends? i need connections? i have 2 friends. but I obviously cant depend on them for everytime I feel low or scared which is basically every night. i don't know exactly what I'm scared of anymore, just that I wasn't earlier. i went through a breakup. with my boyf. it did kill me a lil. and simultaneously i went through multiple breakups with almost all my bestfs. so now I'm alone and I just keep getting flashbacks of stuff. ikeep hating myself. im scared of getting hurt like that again. I'm scared of opening up but also scared of how much I can hurt myself. I'm scared that this fear of getting hurt might not let me form connections w ppl. what if I never get attached? wha tif I don't find love? what if I'm not able to open up again? i don't know. i don't know anything about my future. india doesn't feel safe at all. not as a girl. not as a student. i don't see any future here. i feel like our lives are just a joke for them. they keep experimenting stuff. i don't know what I'm gonna become. i don't even know if I'm getting into college. i don't know anything. I've always liked planning stuff out. short spans, like wha tim gonna do tomorrow or stuff like that. but idk anymore. this level of uncertainty scares me. i just wanna hug someone and sleep not alone. that's all honestly, i have ppl around and yet no one. they don't seem to understand , I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs exactly what the problem is and no one understands, no one can help.i know that , i just want comfort. but a lot of it, maybe ppl are too broken to offer itna anymore. I hope things better. I wish. I want them to. i don't wanna stay like this always. i dont know why its happening, but im never able to believe or calm myself down whenever anybody tries to comfort me or says words of comfort. i really want to but im not able to. also ive been developing this weird fear of nights. i used to love nights. no i dread it. i dont really know th eexact rreason, but im afraid to go to sleep or be alone at night, so i just usually either scroll reels or watch tv all the time to maybe blur out th enoise in my head. im not sure. the fear is just increasing every night and i cant take it anymore