friendship paranoia
I wish I didn't feel so often that the people around me merely tolerate my existence at best, or actively dislike me at worst.
Sometimes I think that people have a high opinion of me, and that when they get to know me over time, that they will change their minds, or see the real me and be disappointed. I am very sensitive to small differences in moods, whether or not someone is gracious in greeting or not. it's actually pretty exhausting. I know it doesn't mean these things are true. But i can't help the feeling that i will inevitably ruin every relationship i have. ( with friends specifically.)
I have had weird interactions with people at work, and sometimes don't know how to feel about them. People can be very petty sometimes, and sometimes it's simply a lack of vibing. I don't need everyone to like me, but I do need certain people to like me enough to hire me again. ( freelancer)
I hate having to rely on others. I only want people around me that love or like me, that want the best for me. I'm tired of accepting scraps. I understand that I can't predict or control how people react or think, and i don't want to. I just don't want people to pretend.
@affableStrings4654
i think it is harder to tell with some people and if a freelancer you really have to be a salesperson for yourself and if people do not seem to get you that would be difficult.
i am under the impression anymore that most people are so wrapped up in themselves they rarely have time to dislike or make judgments .......
i used to feel along the lines you described but hated trying to be whatever i assumed people wanted ............maybe age or just lack of caring of whatever people think ...........i am myself and found MORE people like me then when i was trying to fit every situation
@toughTiger6481
yeah, I have had a lot more joy when i am able to just be myself around people. i'm resisting the urge to just let the current take me to wherever, because it's easy, but when it comes to career choices, I have a goal in mind. Sucks that personalities of other people might be a roadblock to that.
I have been contemplating authenticity, and what it means to have it. I feel there should be a healthy balance of that and awareness of the world around me, rather than sitting on one end of the spectrum. I think i just have to show up for myself and trust in the hard work that i've put in to take me where I want to go.
We aren't meant to like everyone and vice versa.