Abandonment Anxiety with GF

I’m going to keep this short because what I could talk about might just best as long as a book 😭.

Anyhow, in summary, every single second of the day is me thinking about my gf cheating or trying to gaslight me.

Ive experienced these issues before, and when I try to talk to her about it, she gets very defensive. And sent me this long letter via text about the things about me that she loves, and how proud she about my achievements, and that even though I think like this she isn’t going to cheat or leave. But I feel like it’s her trying to hide something, to cover it up.

So here’s the letter:

“happy 3 months !!! I love you so much and even tho we have our ups and downs I still love you nonetheless. That happens in relationships I want to be with you for as long as possible. you are seriously the best boyfriend I have ever had. You’re so sweet and funny and so great. I’m so proud of you for being able to get all your pilot stuff and I really hope you become one because you deserve it. I love the cute things you say to me and the things you do for me you’re so patient with me and I love it. I want us to last christian even after you have those little moments I still love you. You’ve have been such a wonderful boyfriend I couldn’t ask for better because there isn’t better.i know you worry about me cheating on you or leaving you for some els but i promise you there is no one better than you. and i will never cheat on you ever. I love how comfortable you are with me I love how weird you are and how smart you can be I love listening to anything you say you bring me so much joy. I’m so thankful to have a handsome boyfriend like you🌚💕”

Im just so confused and overwhelmed by what I’m thinking I just want to talk to someone that can hopefully ease them. I just feel like I can’t talk to everyone near me, because I don’t feel confident enough to tell in person, or that I’ll be judged about it.