All the things

Struggling with persistent thoughts of all the things I need to do. Everything. I always have this issue but I'm going back to school and my routine for the last 8 years is changing drastically. I want to be excited but there's a pit in my stomach. I'm worrying so much about failing or being unable to keep my head above the water. Sometimes I just wish we could put responsibilities on pause, for just a day or two. I worry myself into a hole about everything, my pets, my car, hard-core worry about finances, and of course the looming thought of myself or someone I love becoming deathly ill or seriously injured in some way. I feel bad for those closest to me who have to hear the absurd things I seriously worry about.

It's odd because it's like I'm constantly split into two brains. One constantly whirring and stressing and running 10 different scenarios at once. The other recognizing how precious life is and how minor things are in the grand scheme. I wish the one who has an ounce of gratitude would be front and center. But usually I let the worry win and I feel miserable and then I'm even more upset with myself for not being able to enjoy myself.

Going through a lot. Trying my best to keep a level head. As I'm sure you can tell, it's been hard.