Anxious attachment PTSD and depression
Recently left a 12 year physically mentally verbally abusive and constant cheating relationship. We were high school sweethearts and I became very codependent on him due to my childhood traumas which were repeated throughout the relationship. I left the relationship without having any more feelings for the person and thought I was ready for a new one. I am now 5 months talking and 3 months into a new relationship and have been purging and experiencing severe anxious attachment and ptsd symptoms. Crying every single day over analyzing any small change in communication texting and just overall. I feel so afraid constantly of rejection and not being good enough. I feel worthless and weak. I don't show this to the new guy he has no clue I'm experiencing this, I self sabotage constantly but without him knowing. I am so fearful of getting hurt and wake up with trembles and fast heart rate every night. I need help
@friendlyClementine1188
Firstly, I'm really sad to read about your horrific experiences with trauma in your childhood and first relationship. Those things affect us to the core, and take a lot of time to work out. Thank you for sharing.
But I'm also very impressed with your recognition that you need help. That takes a lot of self awareness and courage to admit. And recognising that you need help is the biggest step to getting it, so congratulations on an amazing start.
Unfortunately, in my experience, it is not a quick and easy thing to resolve. So I'm afraid you might have plenty of challenges alone the way. But I think you will find lots of help, ideas and options here, so happy and fruitful searching.
If I may, I'd like to finish with a question. If your new guy was going thru something similar, would you be happy that he wasn't telling you? Of course, I understand that telling him is frightening. Because what if he can't handle it and doesn't want to be with you anymore? That would be terrible rejection. But that old cliche about communication being the key to relationships has a lot of basis in truth, and maybe telling him is something you'd like to work towards?
Best wishes
