‼️‼️Can you read till the end, plese i'm a 15 yo who needs help for her mental health, i'm about to die‼️‼️

I’m a 15-year-old girl, good student. This year I worked extremely hard, my average was 19.40/20 (the student's average is 12). In finals, I got 19/20 in all subjects except Maths and Physics (only 12.25), which dropped my year average to 18.44.

I had revised earlier, but in the last days before exams I was too exhausted and depressed to study. I know I did my best, but my mental health was bad.

I got rejected from the excellence school and moved on. But yesterday, my dad said he can’t pay my normal school fees and that if I had worked a bit harder, I could’ve gotten into an excellence school for free. Now I feel crushed. I gave my best to improve myself, to get better results but got nothing back except exhaustion, sickness, shame, and disappointment.

A big part of my distraction was an obsession I’ve had for 3 years with a situationship and fear of not seeing him again. I planned to return to my old school partly because of him, but I also applied to an excellence school (Lydex Benguerir – people from my country will know it)

It's a school any student is dreaming about. It was built like the luxury schools we see in movies, only for good students. My work of the whole year was like nothing because of one exam.

School starts in about 20 days and I’m feeling very depressed. I’m trying to convince myself staying in my city is better because:

The excellence school has shared bedrooms (no privacy).

I’d be too exhausted for college if I push too hard in high school.

I'll study with people better than me.

What's hurting me is that i ruined my year because of that situationship and in the end i got rejection from both, the guy and the excellence school. My depression because of him was the main reason for my distraction.

I can't remember exactly if it was completely because of him or it was only a fake argument i told myself, or i was already weak that's why i got depressed easily. but i'm sure from one thing is that i gave my best, and if he wasn't here i might be accepted.

If anyone has ways to mentally deal with this, please share. Also, if you know any free mental health help for minors (especially if parents don’t accept it), I’d be so grateful.

Thanks for reading.