Extreme stress from all areas of my life
My family has been suffering financially my whole life, and it put a huge dent in our collective happiness. I am grateful for many things in my life; we have a roof over our head, food to keep us full, clothes to keep us warm. I will never forget these blessings, because I know that many people all over the world lack some or all of them. But my dad’s in huge debt, he’s taken so many loans from the bank and his friends and colleagues, and he’s barely able to put to food on the table. He put me and my siblings in the best schools. Thanks to God, then him, I was able to get both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree. Both of my siblings are also now studying university abroad, which made our financial situation even worse. After graduating, I tried to find a job in my field, which would’ve helped me get a good enough salary to support my family, but I couldn’t due to many circumstances that I couldn’t change or control. Nonetheless, I was thankfully able to find a job in a completely different field, which doesn’t pay much and barely covers my own needs and necessities, but I am helping my mother and siblings in every way possible. The thing is, I don’t like my current job; it does nothing to feed my soul or passion. I am waking up every day dreading to go to work because it doesn’t speak to me, and that it has nothing to do with what I studied and worked hard toward for 6 years. However, it feels like staying is the only way I am able to help my family, even if it’s in the smallest amounts. I am helpless. I want my family to be happy and free of financial stress. I want to be able to liberate them for their burdens, but I truly don’t enough power or capacity in me to do it. Side note: I have a gastric sleeve, and I haven’t been taking care of my physical health like I should, which just adds to my debilitation even more. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know that others suffer in more horrifying and painful ways, but I can only see what I am going through, and it’s draining everything within me. I don’t have friends, I have alienated myself from so many people. I don’t go out, I don’t do any of my hobbies. I just eat, sleep, go to work, go back home, eat, sleep again. Plus, my parents treat my like their therapist whenever they fight or whenever they feel like spilling all their feelings and thoughts out. I am so sick of it. I just want it to end.
@confusedcoconut99
This is a difficult and rather sad situation, to be honest. But first of all, you are great that you do all this. You help your parents, it is important and probably not a very thankful thing, but it gives meaning to your life. Of course, the gray everyday life can baffle many, and I do not know if you have free time, but perhaps you could at least devote a little of it to yourself? At least do something you like, half an hour, twenty minutes. If not, then at least in your thoughts, visualizing it. Still, you will definitely get out, and then you will have the opportunity to fully devote yourself to personal things. As for the fact that you are "obliged" to help, perhaps this is true, but sometimes you need to be a little more selfish. You also have a brother and sister, perhaps they could also help their parents. In any case, you have the right to your own life, and it is important to put yourself first. Therefore, I hope you can change this life soon. Don't despair, you are a great girl and your level of awareness is much higher than many
Thank you so much for the kind words, you don’t know how deeply they have resonated within me. Since my post, I have been trying my best to be a little selfish and to entertain my hobbies and the things that might in some way or another make me happy, or at least remind me of me and my value of self. Also, thank you for validating my emotions and thoughts as I sometimes find myself undermining and putting them down. I appreciate you taking the time to help alleviate some of the anxiety I have been feeling. Wishing you the best because you’re equally as good a person as you said I am. Thank you.