Family anxiety
My anunt and her son always fighting or argue about scheduling or what we are doing throughout the day. When I was there recently I mentioned to her son that I found the schedule of me coming over to her house a little confusing and he used it against her and told her that probably thinking I’ll back him up but I was silent. This happens quite a bit and I’m thinking of telling them if they don’t get their *** together then I don’t wanna come over anymore but my aunt son has a “disability” which I’m not sure what it is or means bc while he is medicated he is doing drugs at the same time so I’m not too sure it’s his mental illness that is disability him or just his actions if that’s makes sense bc I’m not sure if he’s crashing out bc of drugs or his meds but I know for sure it’s not good to tell off your mom in front of other people. I am not sure if I should be careful what I say to avoid problems or not caring about that is far from that. I’m not sure bc family is complicated but is it really when all you’re saying is a boundary? Setting them are harder then it sounds but I know the situation makes me uncomfortable and I think I have to remember that stuff infects your whole life too. I am not good at setting boundaries especially with men bc they seem to never understand and explain doesn’t seem to work so I am feeling doubtful that anything will change with a absence of my presence but I think the important park is taking myself out of bad situations. I just feel bad that I don’t help or fix it and that’s not my problem and I have to remember that bc this happens all the time and her son is almost 30 so maybe this is a problem for them to solve not me. I don’t know how to stop people from fighting especially family bc my own family don’t care if I ate or not so how can I fighting for a perfect family when I don’t know what that looks like. I don’t want to end up in a bad place bc of negative people but it’s harder to separate yourself especially from family bc it feels like a ball and chain of events that build up to this resentment that is a mountain of pain and neglect that I can’t fix anything. I mourn for the loss of a time that never existed and I only hoped to have.
@RavenCrossfireIt sounds like you’ve been caught in the middle of a family dynamic that has been going on for a long time, and I can understand why that would leave you feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. From what you’ve shared, it seems like you’re trying to care about your family while also recognising that their conflict isn’t something you can solve for them.
I also noticed how much guilt you seem to be carrying about not being able to “fix” things. You’re allowed to step away from situations that make you uncomfortable, even when they involve family. A boundary can be about what you choose to do, rather than trying to control what someone else does.
And when you said, “I mourn for the loss of a time that never existed,” that sounds like it carries a lot of weight. It makes me wonder what kind of family relationship you had hoped for, and what you feel you’ve been missing.
I don’t think my family are bad people but they act like they are. They are always keeping secrets or sneaking around or playing dumb to manipulate situations. I wish what they said was put into practice bc they have good morals but sometimes lose them when their emotions get in the way. It like being with a child who doesn’t regulate their emotions and you’re always walking on egg shells to get peace. There are some things that happened in the past and it keeps being brought up like someone wants an apology but never gets one. I try my best to be the best but it seems like my family doesn’t seem to care unless there is personal gain. I love balance but not *** and that’s where I feel like I am in
@RavenCrossfire
It's not your role to fix them.
Or feel bad.
The guilt is not yours to carry.
Nor is the negative energy.
You have a right to set boundaries to make you feel better.
That's the priority 💛
