Fear of Commitment - Gamophobia
Hi! I am new here. And I was diagnosed with anxiety years ago. But recently I figured out I have a fear of commitment/marriage. I was going on dates since I was 17. But I am not a social person, so the number of the dates isn’t that much. But I didn’t let any of them last. I always found some problem with the guys. I was comforting myself that they weren’t the one I was looking for. When things get serious, I have a tendency to escape. I self sabotage my possible relationships. I get so anxious before any date. I can’t sleep or eat. I can say that I haven’t been in a serious relationship ever. And I am 29. Two months ago, I started dating with a guy that had everything that I wanted. We spent more than a month with each other. But I didn't find him attractive at all so I had to end it before it got worse for both of us. I tried so hard to feel something for him. But that didn’t help either. A few day ago I went on a date and the anxiety was awful. I am scared that this will go on like this. I want to love someone, be in relationship and share. How can I overcome this fear? Please help me!
@Tugce1995
I do not think a person can approach love or dating like a job interview .... " he had all the things you were looking for" but you did not find attractive.... i think many of the people i know or knew who were perpetual daters ... did not open themselves up to the idea that love and attraction takes time and patience not a check list.
WE get to the point where looks fade and people change ... can your relationship view survive that? If you find flaws no matter what perhaps you just want to quit or end things before they give you the 'its not you it is me" line.
Commitment is something most people have fear about.... it takes letting go ......not something you have a seat belt or a lifeline/ safety net for. sometimes you get hurt it sucks but without taking that chance we NEVER experience one of the great things in life.
Oddly enough I can related to on most part because I'm struggling with finding someone as well. I'm scared of commitment and I also try to find some reason as to why that person won't work. I've never dated in my life because I couldn't find courage to date anybody. I feel like I'm not going to find anybody for whom I can feel anything.
@Staryskies03
When you go in looking for this is going to be "it" you will be disappointed period.
The greatest love of my life i had no interest at first.............. or was thinking we can be friends then something clicked .... love grows ....
you can not look at a flower seed and necessarily see what the Flower will look like.
Sitting on the sidelines and then worried you will not get a chance to play is an issues Get into the game....
That's a nice perspective you've given. But some of my behaviours are a result of my conditioning. While that is no excuse but to unlearn those things is what is challenging
I was married for 28 years and then divorced, at age 49 I was back into the dating pool. I was very anxious and nervous about meeting new people. Once I went on one or two dates I realized I was going into the date with too many high expectations.
I changed my mindset and my dating profile to say that I was looking for someone to start out as friends to grow into something. We don't expect the world from our friends vs. when we're looking for a partner, we have a little bit more empathy and compassion towards friends.
Maybe take a look at how you're approaching your dating. Are you putting too many high expectations? How could you approach it differently to relieve some of your anxiety?
