Hi, I have lots of issues and a lovely boyfriend

Hello I just downloaded the app and everyone seems so nice here!

The reason I downloaded it is because irl I don’t have any support group and I literally only talk to my boyfriend. I’m so worried I’ll become too dependent on him and when he leaves I’ll just shatter. I don’t want to be alone but I feel like my everything is causing me to feel more lonely by the day.

I go to a predominantly white school where I get bullied for being Asian and I usually have rumors going about me or kids actually trying to hurt me but counselors won’t do anything about it other than contact parents. Then, even when people make the bold decision to be my friend my face turns bright red, my mouth feels like it’s stuffed with sand, and my chest gets all heavy. It’s so embarrassing and I wish I had a big friend group like everyone else at my school. I wish I was white so badly and that I had insane charisma. I just wish that I was someone else most of the time. I wish I was someone who could do simple things like just make friends with people. Instead, I get panic attacks and crash out all of the time.