How do I stop worrying about how people perceive me?
I'm generally on edge in social situations due to the fact that I overthink almost every action that I perform. I don't know why but I'm literally depriving myself of normal, socially acceptable things just because I don't want to be disliked.
Even if I receive a positive response, I doubt myself and criticise my personality and behaviour.
I've tried to disregard it but the thoughts linger, and I cannot focus on daily tasks because I fixate on and analyse everything I have done throughout the day.
I also get physical symptoms to anxiety like heart palpitations and irregular breathing which is an inconvenience.
If anyone has had a similar experience, how did you manage to decrease your social anxiety?
@WitherStorm
What helped me was thinking about it from my own perspective on others. Do I think of someone's weird word that they used in a conversation from a day ago? Not really. Do I still remember this particular embarrassing moment that my friend did? Maybe, but only if someone brings it up . Once you realize the lack of extensive perception you have toward others, it may ease your worries of other perceiving you. But of course this is unique and perhaps it may be different for you.
This is very helpful - I definitely acknowledge my mistakes more than others. I'll try and remember that people are preoccupied with their own lives and probably forget most details about others until, like you said, they are brought up 😄
@WitherStorm
It's a small perspective change but it really does work wonders sometimes!! Hope you're able to gain some confidence, wishing you the best~
this is so me omg, but im trying to get over this. but i cant
If you're comfortable sharing, what has your experience been like?
@WitherStorm Mindfulness practice may help you with social anxiety. It’s possible to feel anxious in social situations, acknowledge the feeling, but not let it take center stage. By paying attention to your own feelings, and to what others might be feeling, you can connect more fully with others. It can allow you to switch to feeling about the situation rather than “thinking” about the situation. Hard to describe. Takes some time to develop. Feeling anxious is normal in social situations, but if you learn a few skills it can be something you expect and with time and practice it’s like riding a bike. When we first learn to ride a bike our mind is filled with worry about falling. In a short period of time we are riding and not worried much about falling. Even professional bike riders fall, but we rely on our skills and when we do crash we gain more skill to avoid even that. Learn skills with internet, books, therapists, and soon you’ll be crusin along.
I like this analogy, thanks!
@WitherStorm
I do similar to what @Sunnywriting does - when I start to doubt myself I look at those around me and ask myself if I'm doubting them or thinking negatively of them for something they're doing, or I ask if I would judge them for doing something I'm doing. Usually the answer is no - and in cases where it is yes it's helpful to fix possibly negative behavior
I also practice affirmations - I know that scientifically they aaren't proven to help but for me they help me build up my confidence and help change a negative thought cycle. I find I need to fix the negative voices in my head that are judging me, if that makes sense.
I utilize a pinterest board to pin positive quotes to again helo me change negative thought cycles. It works with multiple issues I have and I find after spending time pinning some new ones or looking though the ones I've already pinned helps,
I do use an anti-anxiety med for really stressful situations - situations I know are really going to trigger me. I know medicine is not readily available or for everyone though.
I also wonder if journaling situations may help to again look at what happened and be able to judge from an outside perspective. You may find a behavior you want to work on, or ease the fears you have that you're acting weird/strange/annoying/whatever.
Lastly I remind myself that me and my personality aren't for everyone and I can''t control how someone else feels. I dislike some people, or maybe choose not to be around them. It's OK if someone doesn't like me, it happens and doesn't mean I need to change.
Be gentle with yourself and I hope something here helps!
Thank you for the suggestions! I especially liked the last part, I feel like i always try to please everyone although it's literally impossible to 😅
Hey @WitherStorm! It sounds like you're a bit of an overthinker which leads to you feeling on edge in social situations which I think a lot of people can relate to - I definitely can. The fear of being disliked is very common because no one wants to be disliked! A quick question: what do you think would happen if someone did dislike you?
I'm sorry to hear that you spend so much time fixating on this and criticising your actions. It sounds really tough having not only to deal with the intrusive thoughts that come with social anxiety but also the awful physical symptoms too! I just wanted to throw a message in here to say that I really empathise with what you are going through and social anxiety can definitely get better with time.
If someone told me that they disliked me now, I would try to understand their point of view, but still probably feel anxious about their reasoning
I am slowly learning though that pleasing everyone is not possible and that communication is essential 👌
I just need to find a way to stop doubting myself even when everything appears fine
@WitherStorm I know this may not be very easy but you taking step to come out of it is really appreciable. We are the ones who judge ourselves very harsh. Think about how you think when you see others and question yourself do I think about others as harshly as I do to myself. Most probably no so try to take it slowly and come out of it. U can do this! Be confident.
@WitherStorm
This happens to me sometimes as well. You are not alone 😉
What helps me especially when the negative thoughts come is to combat it with the truth and use positive statements. So for example, if someone ask you something and you respond but then you start to overthink that your response was quirky, change it to a positive thought; like " Hmmm maybe that was quirky but that's what makes me lovable and unique 😊".
Asking for clarification also helps especially if it is from a friend. Because we can overthink and assume that they have negative thoughts about something you did or said, when the opposite is true. They might be completely fine about it. Or vice versa, they may say something and you are not sure how to interpret it, sometimes asking for clarification saves us a bit of heartache from overthinking.
Of course, this is a journey, not a quick fix. So most importantly, be patient with yourself and show yourself some empathy. You are awesome and don't you ever forget that!😊