I can't function and see no point in functioning anymore
I don't feel safe. I've been suffocated with panic my whole life. I don't like uncertainty so I burned myself out in pursue. I hate and am anxious about every social interaction, every academic achievement, every effort I brought out there trying to feel safe. I've never enjoyed a second of my life. Even during my leisure time, I'm full of guilt of not doing anything, dreading the moment I have to return to my "life". Now I do have a chance to get what I want here. But the risks are higher than ever. Big chances its all for nothing. That I would put myself out there, hating everything I do, for nothing. I can't even show my family that I'm always in perpetual depression. All I would get is the reminder that I'm already so lucky. What about them? They got it worse and they are doing fine.
@greencrossangel
many i feel have that anxiety about interactions and life situations....We avoid them as long as we can then feel guilty we wasted a chance or opportunity..... people close to us never understand and often are not supportive in saying they manage and they have issues too....
the biggest support i have had in overcoming this is ME ...... i hold myself to do things i have avoided or put off ... tried things again as often the first time we do something it does not seem fun as we are in our heads about how this works as opposed to enjoying the moment .....
you can be the change you want and waiting only makes everything seem harder ... start small find something positive even in the smallest way and slowing you will see things differently