I can't hold on much longer.
I went to see my girlfriend again. We had been apart for a few months. Both of us were suffering greatly from the uncertainty of work, studies and family expectations.
I confessed to her that in order to be near her, I had spent money and deceived HR to find an internship in her city, but she thought it was irrational. She thought I should listen to my family and gain experience in my hometown first. Meanwhile, she is also fighting for a doctoral opportunity near my city, but I'm not sure if she can't get it, she will choose to stay in her own city or choose another opportunity near my city.
Her parents are against our relationship. This puts a lot of pressure on her, as her parents are not personally prejudiced against me, but see the geographical problem as an insurmountable obstacle, especially as we are both only children. My city is far less developed than hers, and we are 2,000 kilometres apart. Her mother has bluntly told her to break up with me. My girlfriend says she doesn't want to listen to them yet.
No one understands me except my girlfriend. But I don't want to transmit some strong emotions to her. My parents also certainly want me to stay in my city, which puts even more pressure on me.
I'm with her because I want to protect her, I want to be her protector, I want her to be happy with me, and yet I keep putting her through so much stress and pain, and I feel so useless.
@Megalodon123
Hello, I am no professional at relationships (by far) So take anything I say with a grain of salt. But the pressure seems to be overwhelming you and so I want to point out that you ask yourself "Are my emotions controlling me, or am I controlling my emotions? Just a thought, You are putting way to much pressure on your side of this relationship. Weigh things out with and then without emotions and I think you will find your answers. I wish I knew how to help more!
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968
I know I have been reasonable, and I know what I need to do now – keep looking for a job that will bring me closer to her or that will make me happy. However, I have been trying for months to no avail, and I don't think I will succeed.
My current job is relatively good, and there is a chance that I can become a permanent employee. However, some things about the job, such as the geographical distance and the pressure from my family, make me feel miserable. Most importantly, I feel powerless. It seems that none of the plans I have made will work out as I hoped.
@Megalodon123
When my thoughts move toward questions that I can't seem to answer it makes me manic, overwhelmed by my over-thinking of many what-ifs and such like that. So what I try to do is start writting it out, (in my case I often try to rhyme my problems) for instance:
PERCEPTION
Perceiving what we believe in is deceiving and has
no meaning as life's mistreating dishes out this beating leaving us
--TRIGGERWARNING--
bleeding..... But we cant see it if we
close our minds, and we cant think about this when we're blind, so walk
away and you will find, a friend here waiting for a sign! So take your
time and organize whats on your mind and you'll find you're not really
behind, so relax your eyes and realize you're fine just the way you are.
And you can reach for the stars, put cream on the scars and healing
transpires. The delusional parts only confuse our goals and corrupt our
souls leaving us with a heart full of holes. Set goals now and your mind
will see what closed eyes have failed to believe, don't let sight
deceive keeping us on our knees; throwing logic into the breeze. Winds
at your back excited, Winds of hope reignited me. Step by step confide
so we can share the secrets of life ......thinking "what could be" If we
let it, if you hold back you'll regret it.
There, Now I've gone and said it!
We
hold ourselves down; Dirty on the ground I've found myself tormented
and bound by invisibility. I've ignored all possibility, so I must set
myself free of a self-inflicted confined mystery that causes so much
mind-bending misery.
Please take my word for it; if you write it out and get it out of your head and down on paper, email, text, or free-styling about: the distance and your persistence against the world's resistance to make it work. -------------------<(Just a silly example)) )
I hope you can find ways to get these thoughts out on paper as art, or senerios in words and poems and raps. It is the work you must put in I found so I made it my hobby and no longer have the bad anxiety I used to suffer with. It can be so tormenting. Keep reaching out. Try some of the free Listeners on 7Cups, until you made about 10 new friends and you will find the support you need. Great job reaching out!
You've got this!~
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968
Hey, thanks for taking the time to write this. I really appreciate your writing and the way you express emotions in poetry. I understand that writing out thoughts helps to clarify the mind, and maybe I should try that more often too.
@Megalodon123
嘿，感谢您花时间撰写此内容。我真的很欣赏你的写作和你在诗歌中表达情感的方式。我知道写下想法有助于澄清思想，也许我也应该更频繁地尝试。
@Megalodon123
I hope you give some art or writing a try, it does help. Even just doodling on a page with random designs or art does help. Grab a Pencil-----< )_______)) )
😊
@juliak1968
我的生活似乎越来越好。我的女朋友在离我所在城市不远的地方获得了一个博士机会，我有一些新的工作机会。然而，我不明白的是，我的情绪似乎根本没有改善，甚至比以前更糟。我不知道为什么。
Have you ever experienced this? Friends? I don't understand why it seems like everything is moving in the right direction, but I'm still unhappy and I don't know what I really want.
