I don't have a "turn normal" button

    When you live in a traumatizing place, you need a fair amount of anxiety to survive. Except when I'm with friends, I just don't know how to be "normal" or myself. Yesterday was my first day of school, and I put all these expectations on myself to take care of my appearance and not be stressed, and be cool or whatever. Like everything would just flow easily. But then while I did everything to avoid them, mother and sister made all the noise possible and managed to stress me out without me even saying one word. I ended up frustrated, I couldn't braid my hair like I wanted to, I ended up feeling like my hair looked ugly. I woke up early on purpose, but I ended up feeling drained like I do too much. With me it's either "too much" and I don't really do any mistake or "nothing at all" and then I'm scrolling numbly doing nothing productive and not being able to even wake up. I can't find the in between, and I'm exhausted of this cycle. I keep telling myself "positive affirmations" and try to not be stressed, but the opposite happens.

  I really don't know what to do, and I keep being dissociated. Can anyone relate, or have tips? (or both).