Irritability

I don't like being irritated, but unfortunately, every time I step in the school, I just lose myself. I am very quiet, and I always stay alone most of the time, mainly because I want to or just want to be alone at the time, funny thing, is that I feel alone. Maybe because I isolate myself a lot, or because I am afraid of coming to my friends the way I truly are, because I'm afraid I'll get laugh at or just be seen as a very weird person. I don't like being irritated, but everytime I step in the classroom it drains my energy, I can't help but curse at a low tone voice, but I think it's pretty noticeable, to be honest. I think ny expressions really says a lot, and everytime we have a work in groups I'm just thinking "oh no" and cursing and cursing. My classmates are loud and make stupid jokes, I just curse, curse and curse, to my insides and my mouth moves to curse, not loudly, but again, I feel it's pretty noticeable. I hate it because I wasn't like that. I don't really want to bother my classmates and when I think of my behavior every day I'm just regretful. I want to improve this, even though my classmates haven't said anything to me, I wouldn't like making them uncomfortable because I'm very evitative and grumpy, and of course, I would like to feel good with myself. I wake up thinking that this day will be exhausting, and hoping none of my classmates come to school, but in the end, I am most definitely damaging more and more. So yes, I would like to improve that.