Mixed feelings about Luna being my caregiver in the future
In certain scenarios I kind of get anxious because I don't know what to expect if something happened to Mom and Dad. My parents or at least my father claims that my sister wouldn't mind being my caregiver But I would actually like to hear it from her because I don't want to end up with a situation where when I was a kid -Mom was suppose to be my grandparents' POA when they got old, and then in 2010 the idea was Uncle S was suppose to be the caregiver but my Mom's sister ended up being the caregiver - but the only difference is Mom had 3 siblings -I only had the one sibling.
Also if she doesn't mind being my caregiver I want to know what that entails, or what that would look like. Here's a couple of questions I have
1.Luna will move back into the family home?
2. Will Luna encourage me to be myself in the Doctor's offices?
3. what kind of arrangements would there be for if she has to go to something overnight (ie catering job)- or her friend "Alice" (not actual name)- wants her to be a chef for Alice's farm's March Break camp, or summer camp? (that is if she would still do catering while being my caregiver).
4. Other questions I might think up
I'm also have mixed feelings of my sister looking after me. Until recently, I never really had a close relationship with her despite having some things in common-always loved dogs, loved horses (but haven't ridden on one since I was 3 years old but that was a pony), and we both seem to love to cook- (something i learned later in life then her). But I think the only reason we didn't have a close relationship until recently are mostly:
1. She was 7 almost 8 when I was born
2. As I said in another thread- due to our parents not wanting to fight battles with me, it left Luna to do the actual job of parenting me when our parents should have done that - so that I'm kind of got mad at her a lot whenever I argue with my parents about how they made me a spoiled brat
It just one time in June-early July of 1999 when I was 9 and she was 17 years old due to our aunt by marriage being one of those "cuckoo parents" (Definition: Cuckoo parent is a parent who leaves their children somewhere else- it could be in a bookstore, a restaurant, etc- expecting the staff/employees there to be "baby-sitters" (without the pay)- while the parent goes to have a hair cut an hour+ away or wander around the mall without having to deal with children for 2+ hours) when this aunt by-marriage left our cousins at our (Luna and mine maternal our cousins' paternal) grandparents who were suppose to come down and watch Luna and I when the Mom and Dad were away.
When our parents tried to find an alterative caregivers for Luna and I they couldn't find anyone because Dad's mom didn't want too (not surpsing, she was probably still grieving the loss of her husband), and Mom's only sister's family was going camping with the baby brother and his wife so they were out. So the only option my parents had was for Luna to watch me with our then neighbour checking in on us until Mom and Dad were back. Most of it was fighting with Luna but there were at least 2 things that were good:
1. I got to go to my first and only circus the "Cirque Du Solei" and when there I had my first and only cotton candy.
2. At least once I went to the family apartment of my sister's friend and I saw some kind of (for me) unusual reptile they had as a pet. I can't remember what kind of reptile it was. Might have been a bearded dragon but I can't remember
But on the other hand other times she and I gotten along just fine. One time I think it was the summer of 2001 - I had just gotten introduced somehow to Slurpees (the convivence store on the corner near our local grocery store used to be 7-11 but now its not wish 7-11 would retake over the convivence store again instead of the crap one there now) - and in maybe late July or early August Luna had taken mom out to the grocery store and for some reason Luna got me a Slurpee and I got to drink it in the pool (because that was where I was when she and Mom got back)
The following May (May 2002) - I came home and found Mom and Dad weren't at home and Luna was there (she had been at Post-secondary school her first or 2nd year)- and she told me 1)there was a Slurpee in the fridge for me and that she and I would have Pizza for supper that night.
After supper we went to the nearby park to the playground back when the playground wasn't a plastic mess it is now, but instead it was the more "dangerous" (as some people would call it) playground that a kid could get injured on. One of the slides there was your traditional slide had a cover that looked like the kind you would see on Praire Wagons in the past and when I was sitting on the slide about to go down Luna said "I see (my name) in a cover wagon". Afterwards, we went back home and I sat on our porch swing while Luna did stuff in the garden until it got dark/Mom and Dad came home.
There was the one time that both Mom and Dad couldn't take me I think it was May as well- to my children's hospital's appointment so Luna had to take me and I remember afterwards that she and I went to the Egan centre (not actual name) and back then the Disney Store was on the 2nd floor, and was in a big store and at the time there was some kind of Princess Castle. And then we went to Union Station and got Ice Cream from a restaurant that was similar to her name before coming home on the train.
At least 3 times Luna took me to see movies. The one movie was Madagascar movie but the other two movies were horse related movies and afterwards we went to supper. I don't remember where we at either time but I think the first time was at a Pizza place.
And another time my sister took me to Jack Astor's and told me to "get myself desert" and because I was over 18 now I liked Marshmallows something I didn't like before I was 18.
One summer either 2016, 2017 I was going to go to one of my program's summer picnics and for some reason Luna was up (after I got up) -never really thought of why she was up- and she said offered to do my hair. And I took her up on that offer.
It took me a long time (either late 2022, or mid 2023) to realize that Luna might never have apologized in words, for the fights we have had (look at thread in Relationship stress)-but she has done so with actions like this movies and restaurants. I do something similar when i can by buying chocolate as like an "apology gift" or something.
I would really like to have this fears/worries just be dealt away with but when Luna isn't here for very long when she visits we never have a chance to sit down as a family to talk about it-like at Christmas she was here on the Thursday before Christmas but had to leave after supper on Christmas day.
But this thread shows you the kind of worry I have about the future. And also why I want to create my own support by having a boyfriend and children who can be my support in the future like Aunt M is for grandpa.
I would also like to have some kind of back-up plan incase a)my sister does mind or b)my sister gets feds up with having to be my caregiver. But my parents don't want to make a back-up for their back up plan of Luna doing the caregiving.
Hi @Disneywoman 👋🏻
I want to acknowledge your feelings of anxiety and uncertainty about the future, especially when it comes to the potential caregiving role of your sister. It's completely understandable to have these concerns and to want clarity on what to expect.
It's important to have open and honest communication with your sister about your concerns and questions. Express your desire to hear directly from her about whether she would be willing to be your caregiver and what that would entail. It's crucial to have a clear understanding of her perspective and expectations to ensure that both of you are on the same page.
You mentioned some specific questions you have, such as whether Luna would move back into the family home, if she would encourage you to be yourself in doctor's offices, and what arrangements would be made if she had other commitments. These are valid questions that you should discuss with Luna to get a better understanding of what the caregiving arrangement would look like.
It's natural to have mixed feelings about your sister taking on this role, especially considering your past experiences and the challenges you faced growing up. However, it's important to remember that people can change and grow over time. Your recent positive experiences with Luna, such as the special moments you shared and the gestures of care and support, indicate that there is potential for a closer relationship.
Creating a support network that includes a partner and children in the future is a great idea. It's important to have multiple sources of support and to have a backup plan in case anything changes with your sister's ability or willingness to be your caregiver. Discussing this with your parents and exploring alternative options can provide you with peace of mind and a sense of security.
I understand that it can be challenging to have these conversations, especially when there are limited opportunities for family discussions. It might be helpful to schedule a specific time to sit down as a family and address these concerns. This way, everyone can have a chance to express their thoughts and work together to create a plan that ensures your well-being and support in the future.
It’s okay to have worries and uncertainties about the future. By openly communicating your concerns and exploring different possibilities, you can take proactive steps towards creating a support system that meets your needs ❤️
Thank you Jem for the supportive words.
1. I would like to hear from Luna herself but my parents are so sure that she will be fine with "being my caregiver". But I don't know about her thoughts on this matter is and its not something we can discuss on *** message. Beside I want to talk to her face-to-face meeting and have it be a family meeting with our parents just to have a full discussion about it.
2.But the problem is my sister doesn't stay around long enough when she visits. What am I suppose to do, the next time she offers to make supper ask if I could help out and try to drop questions during the process of making supper? And what if she doesn't understand the question I'm asking? or the content around the question? There's other questions because I highly doubt (but I could be wrong) that sis would want to be going to either (Bard Town 1) or (Bard town 2) or even into Toto to see plays so who/whom would I go with? And unlike Dad, Mom and I, she's not really big on history so whom would I visited museums like (royal Museum) in Toto, or maybe the Shoe museum in Toto, or the Art Gallley of (Province)
But the problem is my sister doesn't stay around long enough when she visits. What am I suppose to do, the next time she offers to make supper ask if I could help out and try to drop questions during the process of making supper? What if she doesn't understand the question I'm asking? or the content around the question?
There's other questions because I highly doubt (but I could be wrong) that sis would want to be going to either (Bard Town 1) or (Bard town 2) or even into Toto to see plays so who/whom would I go with?
And unlike Dad, Mom and I, she's not really big on history so whom would I visited museums like (royal Museum) in Toto, or maybe the Shoe museum in Toto, or the Art Gallery of (Province) so the same question as above. Oh and for going into Toto for any reason IF she was with me would she want to take the car like Dad, or would she prefer to take the Train because I prefer trains vs cars?
3. The last two Christmas she been giving me Harry Potter related merch. Last year it was The Sorting Hat, and this year was Gryffindor Toque. I forget to mention we're Harry Potter fans. So the only thing missing from my Harry Potter merch is wizarding robes!.
4. I been bugging my parents especially Mom for a couple of years about me wanting to date and I either get jokes about pairing me up with some old man or she talks about people who are NOT me and are either someone I never met (someone from a teacher's conference who got married late in life), a disabled woman from church about my sister's age (I can count change, this woman can't), or my great-aunt who lived with her mom (my great-grandparents) for all of great-aunt's life until my great-grandma died. if not one of those things she will talk about A, B, C, D women at church who had "terrible divorces" the church's former janitor, and the mom of someone who was in my Pathfinders group only recently got married after I think it was 10 maybe more years of being together after they both had "terrible divorces". I have stopped talking about it to Mom because I'm literally am sick and tired of her behaviour of talking about people who aren't me, or making jokes. Heck my dentist hygienist think I should have a boyfriend!
And if I'm want kids, I'm kind of running out of time, I only have 11 years left of being able to have kids normally like Mom did, or Aunt M1 did, or Aunt D, or Aunt C on my Dad's side, or my grandmas on both side, and their Moms and mother-in-laws, and their mothers and mothers-in-laws, etc.
With the dating part I'm getting to the point, i want to put up posters over my part of town asking if people knew anyone single. But my only catch there is I'm only allowed to give out my house phone number and my parents would be pretty mad about that if I did that.
Heck I would hire a match maker if I could but as far as I can find online they're only for "working people" ie professional business people and I'm on disability.-so that's kind of difficult for me and I tried dating apps- no go for me because either $$$ or you require a smart phone with texting features. I can't ask my friends because either because they are all over the place OR they been with their husbands for an extended period of time and I'm still on boyfriend 0. If i can't find the right person- I do have a back up idea about children- and that is sperm donor but there's has to be one thing, there has to be half-siblings nearby for my child to play with so they have siblings of some kind.
5. Back in I think it was November I finally got Mom to agree that the next time Luna is down for several days we can have a family discussion about this potential caregiving situation that my parents think that Luna wouldn't mind. Dad only thinks Luna will have to be my finically guardian but she would have to be more then that technically.
We never know when Luna will be here or not because sometimes she will drop in at a moment's notice.