My experience of anxiety

Hi! I will try to put it in words. Sorry for my mistakes, I still continue learning English.

I feel so much anxious sometimes and panicking for no objective reason. It feels like I had an anxiety or panic attack for more or less the whole day today and it was so much hard to deal with. The thing is I used to hide from experiencing my emotions from my bullying in the past, family problems, loneliness. Sometimes I felt ashamed and even said myself: it's for later, I don't want it now. Seems like here is my "later" in some random times of a day.

I also noticed I'm not strong enough to process my whole life experience and say that it's me or it's what actually made me myself today. I like to think about me like I'm another character and daydreaming.. a character with my manners, voice, appearance, but not my history and some of my naive decisions. Simply I can't handle me being me and too scared to ask for help. I find myself in "panic mode" for specific reasons. Like I told someone something really important and deep and now I regret it because I got to know these people, etc. I mostly feel really ashamed of myself but try not to show it. And no matter what I do, this shame and anxiety follow me and I feel exhausted of everything I do or everything new I start doing. It's hard to deal with and as time goes it only becomes harder to deal