Navigating anxiety over loud noises
Hi all - not sure if this is the best forum as this issue seems multifaceted, but I am starting here.
Recently I moved into a new apartment, which is very exciting, but I'm finding I am unable to feel relaxed in my new space largely due to struggling with the new noises from my upstairs neighbors (relocation depression may be another factor).
As soon as I moved in, I realized my upstairs neighbor seems to have some kiddos who make a lot of noise in the afternoon/evening, namely some loud thudding noises (jumping/playing is my guess). I introduced myself to my neighbor early on, and wrote a polite note about the noise a few days later when I noticed it was ongoing and impacting my sleep (often continuing until 1AM, sometimes past that). I do have PTSD and suspect being autistic and struggle with sensory overload, which may be a factor. But overall I just can't sleep, and I can't relax. Every time I start to relax (deep breathing, mindfulness) another loud thud happens that pulls me out of it. I've tried headphones and loop earplugs (not my favorite - I hate having things on/in my ears), white noise machines, a sleep mask with attached headphones, background noise from the TV, music, etc. but nothing seems to work - likely because the noises literally create a vibration in my space that I can feel.
I recently brought this up to my apartment complex after not hearing anything back from my neighbor after my note - they reached out to my neighbor and this seemed to upset them greatly. My neighbors confronted me about the complaint last night, explaining that they have 3 kids and they try to have them keep noise down. I was in the middle of an anxiety attack when they stopped by my place, so I struggled to say what I wanted and I don't think it resolved well. If anything, I felt they got louder (though I do think the noise stopped a bit earlier than usual).
I'd appreciate any advice. This has been extremely challenging, and comes at a difficult time for me (already navigating difficulty at work and a recent loss). Thank you, 7Cups community.
@ashquinn
This is a tough situation. I once lived in an apartment where the people below would play loud music all the time. It made me SO tense and upset. They wouldn't stop and we finally ended up breaking our lease and moving somewhere else because it was so bad.
The problem is that headphones and such may have worked at one time, but you're now hypersensitive to the noise from above, so you're really focused on it - just waiting for it to happen even when it's not. (I get it - noise drives me nuts!)
Is it possible for you to move to a different apartment in the complex? I know it would be a hassle but if the end result is peace, it would be worth it.
@ashquinn
I've experienced problems like that with some of the locations I was living in, so I believe I know how insecure, helpless and frustrated you may feel.
I think the problem is in modern building technology, with acoustic isolation of walls and floors/ceilings very often degraded or completely omitted due to cost-cutting.
Also, sensitive people like you and me, if they experience any danger to their peace, they turn their "radars" towards the danger and they are incapable of not hearing the noise. Just as if it was a matter of our survival...
When you have kids, they are not going to be silent all day long, but 1 a.m. looks like they are affecting your sleep too much and they should go to bed many hours earlier. And you have the right to relax and rest in your own flat.
In some apartment complexes are specific regulations, like no noise between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m, or no construction works (drilling etc.) after 8 p.m. If this is the case, legal factors are on your side, no matter what your neighbour may think or say.
Is moving to another place not an option?
When I was in similar situations, I saw ads of companies who offered small noise-resistant "booths" for sensitive phone talks or confidential meetings for offices. Maybe investing in some acoustic isolation could help. But why should you pay for it while it's not your fault?
Last but not least, we usually buy or rent a flat to enjoy it. Not to be forced to spend too much time outside to avoid too noisy neighbours.
I keep my fingers crossed for positive solutions to your problem 👍
Hi all - thanks for the kind words. I do have an update:
The neighbors ended up moving out in about May/June. It seems they have been causing issues for the office as well. We did have new neighbors move in, and while I can hear them sometimes, it is much more bearable. I still jump a bit at some noises, but the panic has gone down a lot. The main issue lately has been fireworks that keep getting set off a few blocks over.
I'm actively working on this all in therapy. I appreciate the community here!
@ashquinn
Thank you for the update 😊 It is good the neighbours who disrespected other people's rights for peace and rest moved out.
As for you future neighbours... I can tell you a funny story:
Once I was living in a rented flat, made by separating one bigger flat into three smaller spaces (with very thin walls between). I had a problem with my neighbours listening to some rap music, sometimes from 9 a.m. till 11 p.m. When I desperately needed silence and loved to read books.
Actually, I didn't hear any music, but I heard the rhythmic thumping on the wall, what was very annoying. When I once came to the neighbour and politely asked him to turn down the bass in his stereo, he looked very puzzled.
I asked God to help me solve the problem.
Finally they moved out. And another guy came in, who quicky turned out to be... a guitar player. His guitar skills sounded quite nice. His repertoire was also very diversified. But he was a terrible singer. To the point I sometimes helped him with singing while sitting at my kitchen table and doing my office job 😂
There were times when he invited another guitar player (whose singing was much better than his 😁), a girl singer, someone playing a violin (quite beautifully) or maybe even a flute. Like a whole darn orchestra!
This time I never went to complain. But I was laughing every time, at the sarcastic sense of humour God has.
In less than a year I moved to another town...
