New member, struggling

I’ve never done this before but here goes.

(**Trigger warning**)

Ive struggled with depression for as long as I can remember but as of recently I’ve been having awful anxiety and it has become physical, I've been having chest pain and tingling in my body for days. I feel lightheaded often. I'm looking out & of a broken eye and it's

disorienting sometimes, I try not to think about it but my brain is having a hard time adjusting since my last surgery 6 months ago. My heart is always pounding, my brain is always going a million miles a minute, I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm nervous l'm being too difficult for the man who loves me. I'm pushing away my family because they trigger me, but love them more than anything. I'm in a stressful living situation. I'm really struggling financially. I've so many friends recently that did not die of natural causes. I'm fearful of what will happen to everyone all the time. I can't feel calm. I can barely function. I do not want to take anti depressants. My anti anxiety medication does nothing. I’m at a new low and my brain and body are both struggling in different ways. I don’t know what to do anymore.