Out Of Comfort Zone

Im sure, without question, I've had anxiety since I was very young. I can remember my hands and feet trembling as a little boy, and my trauma just intensified what was already there. 

I had a therapist tell me once its like inside me there's a big red button that's jammed down. I've tried many different things with limited to no relief. This is exhausting, everything from trying to sleep peacefully to putting on a brave face and pretending Im ok. 

I got my medical Marijuana card here in the state of PA and Im making my first visit to a dispensary this weekend. 

Im nervous. Scared. This, knowing there's some element, even if its minor, that is losing control of my body with this, is terrifying to me. 

I had tried TCH once before and while I can laugh about it (I thought my steps in my house was a ramp lol) I also became super flush and super paranoid. 

Something has to give. I've had PTSD nearly 20 years, and this anxiety for far longer. I really need a break.