Paranoid all the time

Hello everyone,

I have been taking estalopram antidepressant for my anxiety for 10 years i quite this year with the supervision of my doctors.

I thought after finding my way in life almost around thirty marrying the love of my life and finding my passion that i will manage well, specially the my home didn't help withy anxiety. I quite in April 2025. But since then its an emotional roller coaster i didn't have one peaceful week, fighting with my husband finding it hard to trust him all the time, i get very paranoid, sometimes i am more aware of it sometimes i lose control and my body just react strongly to my thoughts, its almost the end of the year there is some progress but I'm not functioning well most of the days, i dont eat well and i lost alot of weight, my sleeping and eatibg habits are bad, i live away from home i spend most of the day alone in the house, my husband is really effected by my anxiety and paranoia he is a good man and he provides help as much as he can and he tolerates many things because he loves me and see through my anxiety, but most of the time i feel shameful and when i relapse back into old pattern i hurt his feelings and it hurts me to hurt him, i dont know what to do, ita lile ab endless loop where very skeptical thoughts keep coming back leaving me on an edge all the time, today i felt like maybe i should go back to meds i was mpre normal then but i am not sure i gave it a good chamce to to figure it out without meds.