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Relationship Anxiety

User Profile: iChloe
iChloe July 26th, 2025

My boyfriend has a close female friend and it drives me crazy. They’re from a same hometown where everyone knows each other. He is a friend of her parents and her brother as well. I can’t feel comfortable when I see her name on his phone. He’s transparent with me about her but I don’t know why it’s not enough… I think my anxiety is killing my relationship and I need help…

2
User Profile: Spiritriver
Spiritriver July 28th, 2025

@iChloe

 That sounds like a really difficult situation. It's not terribly unusual though. As you said, the anxiety itself can cause relationship problems. Sometimes, a decision to trust must come first before the trust is felt. Your boyfriend needs to feel trusted. I have a close female friend, but she is also close to my wife. Maybe it helps that she spends as much or more time with her than I do. We've had this connection for 33 years now, so I guess were doing okay.


What does your boyfriend do to help you feel more secure?

User Profile: ThirteenHearts
ThirteenHearts July 29th, 2025

Hi, @iChloe,


I can hear how much this is affecting you. It sounds like although your boyfriend is trying to be open and honest with you about the dynamics of that relationship, that anxiety and doubt still lingers. Once that sense of security feels compromised, it can feel almost impossible to get that back or see through it. Having that constant reminder - every time she texts and her name pops up on the screen, can make it feel like a never-ending battle.

I understand why their relationship would bring on these feelings. It sounds like they have close ties to each other - the friendships within the families and having come from the same town where everyone has a connection to one another. 
Do you ever find yourself feeling uncomfortable or experiencing anxiety in other parts of your relationship with him? Or is it only when his female friend is involved? How do you typically work through that anxiety and insecurity when it starts to creep up?

You've already taken a really big step in coming here and voicing some of these feelings. You don't have to work through this alone 💜
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