Stress
Hi there
I’m new here and this is my first time venting. I feel really sad and overwhelmed by everything happening in my life. I’ve been struggling for the past months to find a better paid job in a field i also started an internship in. But i feel like the more i search and struggle, the more i go deep into desperation.
Until the last week I didn’t think it was that urgent but last week my father had a stroke and everything changed. It’s really hard to cope with it becaus ei see his struggle even tho he’s a fighter and i also see my mother’s struggle to take care of him and also get used to it. I’m really scared because i live in a bigger city, the prices are bigger, and I’m scared I won’t be able to manage financially. At the same time i work my job, work 4 hours at the internship and also learning for my thesis to get that diploma and it’s killing the life i have in me…. I feel like i see no ending to this period and like the anxiety got the worst out of me. I don’t enjoy what i used to, i barely have time for anything besides sleeping…
Honestly idk how to adjust and how to manage myself and my family and feel like I’m doing things as i want them… i feel like i had to give up my dreams to build a career that is not even close to starting… and at the same time i fear I won’t have a lot of time with my father…
The thing is TW he was abusive all my childhood with everyone besides me, and that ended in everyone putting the blame on me for what it was happening, but I wasn’t the one who decided to be born… so i was responsible to manage his outbursts since i know myself… for the past 3 years things changed, he was calmer and stoped the fightings and i finally felt like i have the love and attention i deserved as a child, but now im 22 and that period stopped. I don’t know what to do or how to feel like, i kinda started isolating myself and im struggling with focusing on studying, I’m really scared i will fail and I’m scared that I won’t have empathy for myslef if that happen… i feel like i am a mess and everyone is doing better than me at life even tho i know is not true, but i can’t help it but feeling it, especially when I’m down.
@adventurousBeechwood7579 firstly beechwood, welcome to the forums and thank you for posting. I'm sorry to hear both about your father and the stressful workload you've had to carry of late. Financial stresses put us under enormous strain, as does parental illness, so it's unsurprising that you're feeling anxious. I'm going to highlight that our listeners are here for you whenever you need to talk with someone; we also have live chat rooms dedicated to anxiety. 7 cups has a variety of self-help guides; some may be relevant such as those on anxiety, panic attacks and financial stress. I've linked to the guides library below.
It is hard to navigate the conflicting feelings we have regarding a parent who was abusive throughout our childhood and who is now seriously ill. Your father sounds as though he changed once you were into late adolescence, which leaves you with an entire childhood marked by negative memories; however the prospect of losing such a parent tends to bring all our regrets into focus.
I would ask you, what would help most right now, beechwood? What do you need to prioritise? You have the support of the community so you don't need to navigate this alone; my thanks again for joining us.
www.7cups.com/self-help/
Hello Beechwood,I appreciate your bravery to talk about it, but just know you are not alone in this, you're welcome and feel free here.
@adventurousBeechwood7579 Hey, Tina. Thank you so much for sharing, that is so so brave! I believe you sharing experiences are going to make others with anxiety feel more connected and grounded. I hope whatever is going on gets better.. Keep trying! Anxiety is so real and you got this :)