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Are you having panic or just a lot of anxiety?

@raspberrydebs2629 You're not alone in this and we're all here for you. I think I might have an idea of what you are going through because during those dark times, I couldn't think, it was terrifying, and every time I felt like I regained some control, my mind would start spiraling again and I would start forgetting all the promises I would make to myself, which set me back in this unending loop, and it was just terrible, so if you are experiencing something similar, I think I can understand a little about how much suffering it must be causing you, and for even putting up with all that, you are so strong. I know you're putting a lot of effort into getting better but I think sometimes when you focus on how to get better, it just gets worse especially when it comes to anxiety, since it's something that literally comes out of overthinking. 

What I like to do is the minute I get that dark feeling, I remind myself that this is NOT who I usually am and that I am only like this because my mind and body is not reacting normally, whether it be unsteady breathing or negative, self-degrading thoughts. Remember, if you are feeling bad about the way you are acting, it probably means you KNOW what is right and therefore the way you are acting or thinking in the moment is not how you usually are. You are naturally a good person. It is because you lost control of yourself for a moment there but you are a strong person who has come this far so you will achieve your goals! 

I think there's a very big difference between overthinking and conscious thinking. You overthink when you lose control of the flow of your thoughts and don't even know what you are supposed to be thinking about or doing and that is so scary, but what I realized over a while is that I haven't exactly been DOING anything I wanted because the idea of doing anything when I don't even have control over my thoughts and mind was so scary. 

That's the hardest and first step into genuinely getting better and having control in the things I wanted to do and say was to experience. Experiencing is so important, and your first few tries in just DOING something WILL be sloppy, but of course it will be because who on Earth has ever ridden a bike perfectly on their first try. All the people who eventually learned only did because they didn't stop. 

So just keep doing the things you want to, write down your goals when you are at a stable point so you don't forget when your mind fogs up, and just keep going and don't stop. After each experience, write down or note things that went well or did not go well, so that you can look back on it when you are at a loss of control, and just remember to do it the next time! It will get better, I promise you, I genuinely thought I would never be able to form a single sentence that would make sense but I am now writing paragraphs, so just keep going, and give yourself lots of love and kindness. You got this <3